So you’ve taken his call or replied to his message. Yeah, you’ll go out with him–why not? Maybe your friends know him and assure you he’s a nice guy. Maybe the Private Detective found no outstanding warrants, or maybe you just have a good feeling. Either way, you’re ready to get out there and have some fun.
Here are a few things an eligible, elegant lady like you should not do on that first date (unless you don’t want a second one.). Forgive me if they sound obvious, but as we so often learn: “Common sense is not common.”
Rule #1 – Don’t curse.
Would you pick your nose, talk with your mouth full of food or make noticeable body noises on a first date? Probably not. So then why would you show off a potty mouth to a guy you’ve just met?
I don’t mean to sound like a prude–I’m not. But I’ve heard some trashy things the first time I met some girls. Maybe they were attempting to sound tough and impressive. I don’t know. It just didn’t work with me.
What’s that you say: it’s a free country and don’t men curse all the time? I think it’s a shame we’ve gotten so coarse. The English language has over half a million words, and yet so many resort to the same few expletives. I never said never curse. Just get to know the guy first.
Exceptions to Rule #1
* The guy’s a beer-swilling, unpretentious schlub, who likes it raw.
*The guy finds you amazingly hot (That’s a no brainer).
Rule #2 – Don’t be self absorbed.
Once I was at a gathering and this young woman started talking to me. And then she kept talking for over fifteen minutes. I learned that she was an attorney in a law firm who despised the lawyer assigned to supervise her. She really did not like this man, but why was she compelled to spill out her woes to me? I admit she was good looking, but it was too much.
Luckily I was not on a date with her, so I was able to excuse myself. Needless to say, I never spoke to that attorney again.
Exceptions to Rule #2
*You are really charming. I knew a girl who wasn’t good looking and talked a lot about herself. But her stories were humorous, she flirted constantly and she knew how to interact. If you can do all of the above, you can transgress the rule.
* The guy finds you exceedingly hot.
Rule #3 – Don’t talk about sex–unless you really want it now.
We know that guys are on the lookout for the easy score. And while I’m not here to praise or condemn, I recommend to be careful what you say to a guy (unless you’re just a natural-born tease). Just as you wouldn’t wear a barely-there outfit if you don’t want the hassle, watch the hot talk.
This also involves a current event as well. Be careful when discussing the latest celebrity sexcapades and rumors. He might think it’s more than idle curiosity on your part (is it?).
Exceptions to Rule #3
* If you laugh it off, he may not know what to make of you. He won’t know if you want it or not.
* The guy finds you stunningly hot.
Rule #4 – Don’t be too honest too fast.
Once I met a lass in a bookstore who flirted with me right off the bat. We got into a conversation rhythm very quickly. I was going to ask her out on a date, until she got too comfortable. At some point she said “life is bull sh**” (which broke Rule #1 for me). I let that slide until she let out an observation that everybody was “walking wounded.” I asked another girl out instead.
While I was impressed with her frank assessments, I got spooked by her negativity. On some level, she felt she could share anything with me. On another, I thought this was all too fast to take. Keep the banter pleasant; let things come out when they should.
Exceptions to Rule #4
*You’ve both met because of a dramatic/traumatic event. Sometimes an extreme situation can bond people like nothing else could. However, that’s not a normal dating experience, and even accident survivors like a good joke.
* The guy finds you unbelievably hot.
Rule #5 – Don’t sell yourself short–ever!
This is the polar opposite of Rule #2. For your date you went out and got a new dress, maybe some new high heels. You prepared and primped and did all those lovely things women do to make themselves alluring. You show up and he compliments your looks. Then you turn around or say something like, “I’m really not that pretty.”
You are! Just as annoying as a stuck-up person is someone who plays the perennial sad sack. A guy wants a girl he can admire. Why do you think a man refers to his lady as, “my better half?”
Instead thank the man for the compliment and smile. A mild self-deprecating remark can be a welcome sign of humility, but keep it in moderation.
Exceptions to Rule #5
*There are no exceptions. You are worth it.
In the end, a little common sense (and self control) goes a long way. True, there is no substitute for being yourself, but sometimes it’s worth going on that second date. Once the pressure of the “interview” is over, people can be more like themselves. Happy dating!
New York August 16, 2011
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