A Lion in the Bear’s Den: Week 10!


This week I will watch the Detroit Lions battle the Chicago Bears for second place in the division at 3:15pm CT at local Michigan bar Hi-Tops. I will also take them up on their offer to give me unlimited beer and food for just $25. You will get a blow-by-blow, drink-by-drink update of my day, unedited. This is my promise to you. All I ask in return is for your understanding that the more I drink the less coherent things may get… Again, this all begins at 3:15pm CT, but for now…


The Cincinnati Bengal’s can’t use the term “restore the roar”. That is for the Detroit Lions. In fact, I’m going on record here to state my belief that only one team should be able to be represented by a jungle cat. Now you are calling Aaron Rodgers “A-Rod”? ESPN Sunday Countdown, if you need a writer, I’m available… “… bubbly, melted, cheese…” Way to bring some truth back to advertising Subway sandwiches. Not everyone can agree when cheese is described as delicious, savory or mouth watering. But nobody can argue that the cheese in your ads is both bubbly and melted. I approve of this message! I had a choice to make this week at RB between Jackie Battle, James Starks and Marshawn Lynch, and I went with Battle. Don’t just sit there in silence judging me. Why, what would you have done?!?! As I wrote that Jackie Battle broke a 34-yard run. Sorry I got mad… I was just scared. Being a fantasy GM brings a lot of pressure that I can’t always handle.

BREAKING NEWS: Just got off the phone with Hi-Tops and it seems that they are not offering the all you can drink/all you can eat deal for the Lions-Bears game. This is a crushing blow to my daily plans. My roommate Witzgall says he knows a place near by, so we are going there. I will keep you updated on things as they develop. Back to you regular blog writing Shane…

My girlfriend doesn’t always like this blog. She is also not an idiotic man, so some things in life still make sense. Got to the bar safe and am now drinking a bloody mary that is as delicious as Witzgall is effective under pressure. Lions are getting pumped; I sat Marshawn Lynch and dropped Vernon Davis this week. I don’t need to tell you all that I am not happy. So, the bar I’m at has the board game “Clue”. The Lions are losing… it was Col. Mustard in the conservatory with the led pipe. Not really, but I’ll let you know. What can’t the broad who sings the Sunday Night Football theme song make a Hitler reference on TV? Also, I don’t remember how the Clue game turned out…

(When I save enough I buy the team and lead them to the Promised Land.)

Last week: $2.39
This week: $0.00

As an unemployed man trying to save up enough to buy the Lions, it is never a good idea to make plans to go to a bar for all you can eat and all you can drink for $25, then when you find out that that bar is not offering that deal, go to another place and spend $150.


BUF 7 @ DAL 44
That’s more like it. This is the Buffalo Bills that I have come to know and pity.

JAK 17 @ IND 3
It doesn’t seem right to me that without Peyton Manning the Colts are suddenly an 0-16 team. Maybe the team lost Peyton Manning and then all started taking heroin as a coping mechanism?

NO 26 @ ATL 23
Win or lose, going for it on fourth down is really cool!

DET 13 @ CHI 37
The Chicago Bears shut down Megatron, pick off Matthew Stafford 4 times and Jay Cutler is only sacked twice… the fix was in. I don’t care what you say; the fix was in!!!

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