Al Gore Will Rip Your Freaking Head Off

Not really, but he may become very cross.

If you hit the Yahoo! homepage this week, you saw that “Al Gore Rant” was a trending topic. It creates in one the assumption that Al Gore went ape-poop on someone who, presumably, implied that global climate change is one of those fictiony fictions.

If only the truth was such fun. The former Vice President and Horrifically-Pathetic-Presidential-Candidate used a bad word when referring to climate change denial. That word, according to The Christian Post , is “bulls**t.” I assume that to be an incredibly crafty sanitization of “bullshit.”

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, “bullshit” refers to the feces of the uncastrated adult male of the species Bos taurus. You know, cow doodies.

Al Gore went kooky bird nuts! Hardly, but people on the right want you to think that. They want you to think that Mr. Gore, who was, if I haven’t mentioned this before, one of the most assprobingly awful Presidential candidates the Democratic party has ever seen, is environmentally bonkers.

The left worships him as the lord Terrus Christ. Only Al Gore can save us from the horrors foisted upon us by the Republicans. Remember, all registered Republicans are required to point aerosol cans at the sun for seven hours per day.

Here’s my problem with Al Gore: He’s a leaky sack of polluted hot air.

I agree with his message – the environment is growing increasingly fakakta and the human race is to blame (with an assist from that methane-rich bullshit). It’s a shame that Al Gore doesn’t seem to agree with himself.

Yes, I’m talking about the big house and the private jets. You’re single now, Al. Get a smaller home. Sure, you may heat and light that house with renewable sources , but I can’t see that with my own eyes. This is America – we don’t care for details, we want big, pretty pictures.

Have you seen Ed Begley, Jr.’s house? It’s a lean-to made from solar panels. He drives an electric car. He collects rain water to feed his garden. He showers with Christopher Guest’s pee. Ed Begley is quite visibly walking the walk.

And stop using those gosh darn private planes. They make you look like an idiot. You know who seems more environmental that you? George W. Bush. That’s right, George W. “Misunderestimate” Bush. Did you know that the Bush ranch in Texas is more environmental than a treehugger’s penis?

That small house that second former second President second Bush calls home recycles rain water and uses ground tubes and cross breezes as substitutes for air conditioning. Try saying that to a liberal. He’ll stick you in the eye with an Obama bumper sticker. (The liberal will have plenty of time to stick you in the eye with that bumper sticker as he’s been out of work during the entirety of the Obama administration.)

Please, Al Gore, remember where you live. It’s not enough to walk the walk in the United States. You have to walk the walk dressed as Lady Gaga.

Yeah, I know, it’s bulls**t.

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