Don’t Be a Halloweenie!!

When people start hovering around the water cooler to talk about their Halloween costumes selections, I always linger to hear which get ups are going to be the most popular this year. You do know the themes are cyclical? The really hot outfits are usually so trendy that everyone and their neighbor will be in wearing them so keep that in mind when you’re standing around the water cooler pitching ideas. Whatever you decide on, avoid being a halloweenie.

A halloweenie is someone who wears the most popular outfits or picks out a costume without considering how lame it may appear to others. Since the general idea of dressing up is to be cool, clever, sexy etc., you don’t want to be dressed in something so absurd you’ll have to spend all night explaining what or who you’re supposed to be. On the other hand, if your goal is to become a conversation piece then have at it. It’s a great way to get notice but probably for all the wrong reasons.

Halloweenie Dudes

I’m willing to bet a steak dinner that every single Halloween party you attend this season has at least two Super Marios and enough Giant Crayolas to make a Box of 8. Don’t even get me started on how many forward thinkers will show up as 1970’s Pimp O’ The Year Contestants. Jungle animal prints and polyester jumpsuits were both so last century. You’re destined to see a fair share or Dr. McHottie’s each arrayed in fitted surgical scrubs and more than a boatload of Swashbucklers too. Oh, and you can count on five or more Tiger Woods types with broken teeth and bandages so there’s no use in you vying to be number six. Besides, all the stores are probably out of red golf shirts by now anyway.

Circus clowns are just plain scary. Everyone is terribly afraid of big-footed, red-nosed, fiery haired mimes right? Right? Okay, maybe it’s just me but clowns have had a good run, so please let’s move along to something less carny and not so… scary. By the way, the Big Burger King Head with the white tights, yeah that’s a clown too and every bit of creepy so that’s a no.

Halloweenie Chicks

Alright now, we already expect to see a half-dozen sexy Indian maidens, at least three or four Country Singers with fluffy over-sized hairdos. The M&M’s tank tops are always a hit, in a full array of primary colors, but frequently and vastly over-promoted. Women from the Flintstones TV show are extremely cute as prehistoric darlings go, and if you dress up like Betty or Wilma you’ll very likely be looking at carbon copies of yourself all night and hating life because of it. Oh yeah, the Naughty Lady Cop? Since handcuffs happen to get people into some very compromising positions, I’m thinking that’s a no on general principle.

The Sassy Sports Bar Referee costume looks better on some than others but let’s not fool ourselves, any woman who thinks she looks half decent in stripes will shimmy into a two-piece spandex outfit and head for the nearest bar. Devil Divas dressed in red and black lingerie will get more attention than they probably deserve but as the night draws on, heavy black mascara and plastic pitchforks tend to send the wrong message. So, instead of going to the party as another Queen of the Nile, please consider something more unique like a Female Avatar. While you might experience a few problems getting the long blue tail in and out of taxis, you’ll most definitely end up in everybody’s Halloween photo album.

Well, that’s all I got on what’s hot and what’s not. So have fun, wave hello to all the Mary Anns, Gingers and Gilligans you’re bound to see and be glad you’re not one of them. Try to avoid Shreks and Pussy Cat Dolls who pall around with Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Yep, according to the latest costume chitchat, they’re all on this year’s list of Halloweenies.

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