Every year on St. Patrick’s Day everyone wears green. If someone doesn’t wear green, he or she will get pinched by whomever notices that the color green is not present in their wardrobe. So one year young Jerry decided that he would do something different for St. Patrick’s Day because every year since he was 10, Jerry gets pinched at least sixteen times by his fellow classmates for not wearing green. He is fourteen now. Jerry never remembers to wear green because he never remembers that St. Patrick’s Day has arrived. He was so tired of being pinched for not wearing the color green. He didn’t even like the color green, and he, most definitely, did not like being pinched. But this year, he had a plan to insure that he would not get pinched.
After school, Jerry got on his bike and rode to the nearest hardware store. He bought a gallon of green paint, and then quickly rode his bike home. When he arrived at his home, he raced upstairs to his bedroom. He then opened the can of paint and went into his bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He undressed himself completely and then stood in his bathtub. He dumped the entire can of green paint over his head, covering his body with green from head to toe.
His hair looked like it was the leafy part of a carrot, and the rest of his body resembled a bright camouflaged insect. The only distinguishable color on his entire body was his two blue eyes that seemed a bit brighter while surrounded by his green counterparts. His teeth were also distinguishable, but only when he smiled of course. He would be doing a lot of smiling the following day.
When his parents had seen what he had done, he quickly reassured his parents that the paint was not permanent and that it would wash out.
“It will all be gone the day after St. Patrick’s Day. Don’t worry,” he said.
His parents still worried about his sudden interest in St. Patrick’s Day, when on the St. Patrick’s Days of years passed, he never wore green or even seemed to remember the day had arrived.
He also said that most of the kids at his school were doing the same thing in light of the holiday, and that it was for a contest on “The Most Festive.” He told his parents with a mischievous grin, “I’m going to win this year.” Of course, none of this was true.
St. Patrick’s Day had arrived and Jerry woke up early so he could arrive to school before most of the other students had arrived. He had his mom drop him off at the school because he didn’t want anyone to see him riding his bike down the street in his new coloring.
He found a few bushes near the front entrance of the school to hide behind as he waited for a few of his classmates to walk past. Finally after waiting for a long time for students to arrive, two girls walking together towards the front entrance were coming towards Jerry’s direction. The girls were not wearing green and they were busy talking about one of there annoying teachers.
Jerry waited for just the right moment for them to cross. He jumped out in front of the girls while screaming and acting hysterically. The girls jumped back abruptly and screamed; dropping all of their contents they were carrying to the ground. Jerry busted into laughter and stood there looking at the girls. Then he walked up to them and pinched them on the arm. He didn’t run away because he wanted them to know who was responsible for their fright and instant pain. He quickly told them it was Jerry. The girls were not very impressed.
Jerry left his hiding place in the bushes to find another one. He didn’t want the two girls to warn anyone about his plans behind those bushes. He quickly found a tree to hide behind on the school grounds. He did his best to not be seen while he hid behind the tree.
He waited for more victims to cross his path. He saw a group of kids heading his way, all of which were not wearing green. When they crossed his path, he jumped out and scared them, screaming at the top of his lungs. The group of kids screamed themselves. Jerry proceeded to pinch every one of them on their arm, letting them let out a small “yelp.” He then screamed at them: “Jerry did this!” and he ran away laughing his head off. He continued with this same routine all day long, consistently jumping out like a maniac and pinching all those who were not wearing green, until one of the students complained to a teacher of Jerry’s St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans.
The teacher found Jerry and quickly grabbed him by the arm, escorting him to the principal’s office. While Jerry sat in the chair outside of the principal’s office, he couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t care that he was in trouble-a big green thing running around campus scaring kids and yelling “Jerry”, what kind of idiot wouldn’t notice that? He thought. This was the ultimate pay off. He finally got called into the office for punishment.
While he sat there sort of listening to the principal’s lecture, he was thinking of answers to give to the principal. When the principal had finished whatever she was saying and ended it with, “What do you have to say for yourself?” Jerry replied with:
“You should be happy that I got into the St. Patrick’s Day spirit. It shows that I have complete respect for another countries’ holiday,” which he didn’t, “And that I am embracing my Irish heritage and am proud to bear my lineage publicly.” He wasn’t Irish.
The principal leaned back in her chair, as if to contemplate the words that were just spoken by the “Jolly Green Giant” sitting in her office. After awhile, she made the decision to let him off with a warning and told him to get to class.
Jerry only had one period left and he couldn’t wait to get home to wash all the paint off his body. It was starting to itch.
Finally, school was over and Jerry waited for his mom to pick him up outside of his school. When his mom pulled up to the curb and Jerry was in the car, his mom said, “Did you win?”
All Jerry said was, “Yup.”
When Jerry and his mom got home, Jerry jumped out of the car and straight to his bathroom. He jumped in the shower and began rubbing off all the green paint that was on his body, only all of it did not come off. Try as he might, there were still green blotches on his skin. It stayed that way for a few weeks until finally most of it wasn’t too noticeable, but, unfortunately, there were still scattered traces of green still left on Jerry’s body.
When the next St. Patrick’s Day came around, Jerry would not get pinched when he would forget to wear green. All he had to do was show anyone the little bit of green still behind his ear or under his fingernails.