Divorce, or the end of any relationship, is usually painful. The thought of starting all over again can be frightening and many going through the grief attached to a marriage ending are likely to be suffering from pressure, self-doubt, nervousness and insecurity. However it’s not all bad and now that the official papers are signed and the disappearing ashes have flickered out on your union, it’s time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and create the life you want for yourself.
Reinventing yourself after divorce can be the most liberating and happy of experiences.
It goes without saying that in most cases, you need take time to grieve your loss, feel what you feel, allow yourself to experience your pain so that you can move through it.You may need to allow yourself some “alone time” to deal with the loss. It doesn’t matter who initiated the end of the marriage, both parties experience some form of grieving. You may need to seek the professional help or advice of a counselor or health practitioner to give you the tools you need to get through emotionally.
After separation, reinventing yourself starts with you accepting that your life has changed forever and its 100% your responsibility to create the new life that you desire for yourself.. This time is for you and you alone, and don’t think you’re being selfish in focusing on your own needs. Take time to evaluate yourself, your life, where you are now and where you want to be on an emotional level, financial level, health level, spiritual level, relationships level, family level.
It may help to keep a victory log of your successes after separation or divorce, just to keep you more positive. When two become one it’s often easy to allow the other partner in the relationship to take over our thinking, to complete the day to day tasks like balancing the cheque book. When you separate, you find that all of a sudden you are required to undertake tasks that you hadn’t thought about for years, like changing a light globe, getting the car serviced, getting insurances for yourself, your home and belongings, running the kids to after school activities, paying bills and maintaining a home. It can be overwhelming when you find that you have to make every single decision about every single aspect of your life.
Staying physically healthy will help you go on emotionally during and following your divorce. If you are not capable to go exercise at a gym, take a quick walk around the neighborhood or do some gardening outside. If you have a dog, try taking him out for a short walk every day. Exercise increases blood flow and produces endorphins that will promote a positive attitude. Deep breathing, meditation, taking vitamins, and getting enough sleep will also assure that your physical health assists in your mental and emotional well being.
Webster defines courage as “the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful, instead of withdrawing from it.” Maybe you never saw yourself as a courageous person. There’s nothing more courageous than what you’ve been through thus far.
Boost both your self-confidence and your ego by doing things you enjoy and that you are good at. Embark on a radical overhaul of yourself from the inside out. Empowerment builds self-belief and self-respect. Don’t wait for consent from someone else or a pat on the back to start using your power. You are 100% responsible for the choices you make, the thoughts you think, the words you use. Take responsibility. Own how you feel and make a decision on how you want to be and feel and then take action to get to where you want to be.
Make a list of all the things you would like to do, places you would like to see, books you would like to read, movies you would like to see, people you would like to meet, and start ticking them off. You may want to lose 20 pounds, start an exercise program, join a golf club, learn to oil paint, take a makeup class, study a language, learn a new skill. Now is the time. You are the solution to your challenges, hiccups and roadblocks.
If you are not getting the outcomes you desire in your life, take a look at how you respond to events or situations in your life. You may find you need to change your response to an event until you do get the outcome you desire. This is a life skill you can develop, once you have decided that you are willing to take ownership of your current situation and you have decided that you must take 100% responsibility for all that you have or have not created. What you create from here on in, is up to you. Remember, you are the solution.
Finally, go on and stay open to new relationships. Just because you have been choked by food doesn’t mean you shouldn’t eat again. It ought to serve as a lesson as to what to eat, how and what not to eat next time, take your time, eat more slowly and savor each bite.
It is the same with relationships and breakups. Just because you tried it once and it didn’t work doesn’t mean it will never work. Reconnect with yourself first. Learn to love yourself again. Decide what it is you desire in a partner and don’t repeat the patterns of your past in selecting a mate. You know, good judgement comes from a lot of experience and a lot of that, comes from bad judgement. Acknowledge your past, the good and the bad.
Don’t let the fear of another breakup stop you from starting a new relationship. Release your beliefs that “they-are-all-the-same” and move on with re-scripting your life and reinventing your new self. Stay open to new relationships. You will know when the time is right to start dating again. We are put on this earth to experience love. You deserve love and it will come your way again if you allow it. In the meantime, this is your opportunity to learn to love yourself again, be who you were meant to be, to find your purpose and passion, to reinvent yourself.
There’s no escaping the fact that the end of a marriage or relationship is a hard time for everyone concerned. Reinventing yourself after divorce can be a superbly positive experience.
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