With all the advertisements for things people can buy to enhance their sex life, some of the simple basic stuff tends to get pushed to the side. That’s too bad, because as Pamela Madsen, sex educator and author of sex self help book Shameless, writes in a recent column in Psychology Today, great sex can be had by most anyone if they will follow four simple rules. The first rule will sound familiar to most, the rest likely will not.
The first thing for great sex is to remember that sex, whether great or lousy, is mostly in the mind; and then to apply that knowledge in ways that make sense. One example, she cites is people that have a tendency to let their minds stray to other things during lovemaking. This, she says, comes about as a result of not learning to keep focused, and of course, sometimes, because of engaging in things that aren’t all that great. Nonetheless, Madsen maintains that learning how to have better sex involves learning how to keep focused through some proved means, such as meditation. Learning to keep your mind on what you’re doing can help with the level of arousal, and that is one of the big keys to great sex.
The second thing Madsen advocates is working on your breathing. Though this might sound a little fishy, she says it makes a huge difference. Breathing quietly, or quickly or in controlled panting manner is not conducive to bringing in lots of oxygen, which is important when engaging in any activity that requires more. And when that activity is sex, the result of more oxygen is more energy, more arousal, and more enthusiasm. All things necessary for great sex. As an aside, Madsen postulates that a lot of people tend to breathe quietly during sex because they learned it when young. Loud breathing meant attracting the attention of others, which meant being interrupted, or in some cases punished. She says once learned, breathing patterns sometimes need to be examined and intentionally changed. Doing so, she says, can be a real game changer.
The third thing is somewhat related to the second, and it involves noise. Madsen advocates making lots of it. Not necessarily the porn star variety, but whatever feels reasonable. She says the act of allowing yourself to make noise, allows people to open themselves up and be reactive to what is going on. It just makes the whole thing more exciting and enjoyable.
And the last thing she says, might sound like a no-brainer, but many people forget to do it anyway, and that’s to move around. Move your hands, your head, your hips and your legs. Move your stuff. Moving gets the blood moving and arouses the skin. It increases the libido and makes the person doing it more engaged in what is going on. It also makes for a better partner, which can feed off itself. The more active one partner gets, the more the other comes alive.
In short, Madsen says that the best way to achieve great sex is to get active, allow yourself to come alive and experience all the sensations that are going on. Put yourself in the right frame of mind, breathe deeply, yell out loud and move your body. Doing so she says, will virtually guarantee a big improvement in your sex life.