Sapphire Samurai: I Protest! No More Wet Carpet

There I was, walking towards my female human to demand some petting and I felt it. Wet carpet. There was no way around it, so I had to walk on it. I was not amused.

This has happened before, sometimes with all the carpet. When that happens, at least I have the warning of the really loud growlmonster and I escape to dryer climes. There really ought to be a law against wet carpets in houses with cats. Here are a few other crimes that you may want to be aware of:

Seeing the Bottom of the Bowl: It’s traumatic to find yourself looking at the bottom of your bowl. It doesn’t matter if there is plenty of food still around this hole. The hole itself suggests a time of famine, where we will surely starve.

Loud Hissy Noises: My female human spends a lot of time in the food room. Recently she has started using something that makes a very loud hiss that lasts a very long time. Every time it goes off, I nearly jump out of my catsuit. Things that make that noise should not be allowed in the house.

Singing:” This is something I’ve argued about for years. My female human thinks she can sing and she does it all the time. She also thinks she can play the big music thing in the living room. Whenever she does either, I have to come in and try to show her how to do it right. She still doesn’t get it.

Metal Thingies in Human Ears: Recently, my female human has had funny metal things attached to her ears. How can I reprimand her with a little nip with that in there?

Closed Doors: A closed door is always something of interest to a cat. We naturally feel that we should see what’s on the other side of it. It is paramount to our happiness that doors remain open so we can investigate.

These are fairly simple things. It shouldn’t be difficult for you to comply with them, especially as it will make the feline in your life much happier — and less likely to have to bite you.

(Human Note: The “hissy thing” is my new pressure cooker and I do love using it. Somehow, the cat does not appreciate soprano voices. I’m not great with the piano, so he comes and “helps” by walking on the keys. As for the metal things, I just got my ears pierced and the cat was not amused — )

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