The Do-It-Yourself Kim Kardashian Divorce Film Festival

The ghastly news spilled out onto the multimedia world on Halloween. Coincidence? After only 72 days of marriage, Kim and Kris were calling it quits. Horrifying!

Is love dead? That has been the question swimming in my head these long days since and the bombshell hit. Images of Miss Kardashian splashed across every magazine at the check stand counter (I’m pretty sure she was on the cover of “Sports Illustrated” last week but I could be wrong) while “TMZ” has been bludgeoning the story to death from all angles. All of this laser-focused attention begs that same question: Is love dead?

The answer is no.

I came to this conclusion the only way I know how; by throwing movie-watching party. I call it the Kim Kardashian Film Festival and it is a wonderful tool you can use to help you process this devastating news and move on with your life. Here are the films that make up the program. Watch them in this order to achieve the full, soul-cleansing effect.

“Kramer vs. Kramer” (1979): Divorce is sad. That’s what this Academy Award winning film teaches us. It is gut wrenching when Ted (Dustin Hoffman) is left behind by his wife, Joanna (Meryl Streep), to raise their son alone. At least Kim didn’t leave Kris with child. Whose to say they even consummated the marriage?

“9 ½ Weeks” (1986): Talk about a fleeting relationship. The dysfunctional time that Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke share in this sizzling, erotic film is WAY shorter than the time shared by our Kim and Kris. Their marriage lasted 10 weeks and two days, which is a week longer than that. I guess it depends on what they meant by “1/2 Weeks”. Is that 3 or 4 days? Probably falls on a Wednesday. Either way, Kardashian/Humphries wins this one.

“White Men Can’t Jump” (1992): This one is for Kris. He plays basketball, right? I’m pretty sure he does. So much focus has been on the pain and suffering Kim has been going through, why not show a little love for the poor guy in the situation? And what better way to show your support than by watching a hilarious movie with a semi-racist title? There is no better way that I know.

“The Sting” (1973): Kim Kardashian reportedly made roughly $17.9 million dollars from sponsors for the wedding. Forbes Magazine reported that 2.5 million dollars were paid for the photos alone. If you were to be cynical about the whole thing you could say that Kim made over $10,000 and hour during her 72-day union. Oh, and “The Sting” is an excellent movie.

“The Truman Show” (1998): Talk about prophetic! This film starring Jim Carrey was released a full two years before “Survivor” hit the airwaves and the reality show craze enveloped our country. Truman (Carrey) is the unknowing star of a television show that has gone way too far to entertain the masses. How far will a show go to “create a reality” that is dramatic enough to satisfy our voyeuristic cravings? According to “The Truman Show,” pretty far.

You have any films that should’ve made the festival? How are you holding up since the news?


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