Are there any other first-time moms that feel pressure to act, dress, and appear a certain way due to experiences with other moms or the perceptions of others? Do you feel as if you have to abandon your old non-mom ways to fit in or feel accepted by other moms or even other people in general?
One interesting thing I’ve noticed is that there seems to be some moms that have their own way of doing things or have their own habits surrounding motherhood (hey to each his own, no judgment here). You’ve got the mom’s that make all their baby food from scratch and know all about the environmentally safe toys; we’ll call those Green Moms. You’ve got the mom’s that have every headband or bow for their new little girl (a la Teresa from NJ Housewives) we’ll call those moms, Fashionista Moms. You’ve got the stay at home mom’s who meet weekly with their playgroups to gossip and trade “Mom tips” we’ll call those moms, Play Group Moms. You got the busy as a bee working moms; Career Driven Moms, and of course there is also those moms that know every line of every edition of “What to Expect While Expecting…”, we’ll call those Type A Moms. Truth be told, I find those moms most intimidating!
Getting many mixed feelings and overall not having that much experience, I’ve had a very hard time identifying with other moms. But mostly, it’s because of me, not them. I still feel very much like my non mom self, but suddenly with a child. I still don’t have much of a filter, still like to gather with my non mom friends and talk about the opposite sex while drinking wine. I still haven’t tackled the very overwhelming challenge of figuring out how to cook, so, overall I feel trepidation as I journey into my new role as a mother and continue to learn what the word “mother” really means.
I don’t question that I was meant to be a mother anymore, the daily mothering of my son feels natural. I just find the perceived role of mother by family or other moms to be foreign territory. I’m confused at times of what a typical mother should be saying or how a mother should be acting. I used to crack wacky jokes and now I feel myself second guessing if this is something a mom should really say. If I just go with my gut feeling and say something ‘questionable’ I end up feeling stupid. I can’t help being myself, so I have to go there, but after I have I wish I hadn’t.
I definitely don’t feel like I fit into any of those molds totally. I wouldn’t even know where to begin in order to make baby food, can’t afford to buy every bow out there (I also have a boy, so that makes it’s a little bit tricky), I work full time so I miss out on the mom groups. I am a working mom, but don’t see myself climbing higher and higher to amass the perfect position and I don’t have the time to read as much as I should regarding motherhood. There’s a lot of pressure and judgments out there. Of course I feel that, sure, I can be judgmental at times, but I try to keep it to a minimum if I can. Because if there’s anything I have come to find out, it’s that the last thing I can do is judge a mom, because I’ve realized it truly is the hardest job on the planet.
What it means to me is that I have to brave my own path, whatever that might be. I try to avoid the negativity. I am a mom. I am a mom who takes good care of her son and loves on him everyday of the week. I am also a mom who makes a joke here or there that not everyone is going to dig, I am a mom who prefers to work at this junction of life, because I need to keep my brain charged on a professional level. I am also a mom who likes her Thursday night relief with her non moms to feel as though there isn’t a care in the world. I am also a mom who needs to write about everything to allow her creative mind to purge. As clueless as I may feel at times, I make up the rules as I go along. I’ll call myself Rebel Mom.