The Truth About Surviving Cancer: The One Left Behind

I want to share a insight into the life and emotional toll of a person losing a loved one to Cancer. I wrote this while my husband was with me and I have never shared it with anyone but my mom and a few close friends…. till today…. just for those who don’t know: a year after I wrote this we decided to divorce and live apart, he could not stand the children and I watching him die any longer…and he wanted to know we would be ok without him before he left us. I didn’t know what I would do when he left me. I had lost the husband already and I had rebuilt my life. I didn’t know if I could lose the friend and survive too. I lost him in May of 2007. It has been a very long road to where I am now. I have several other writings I will post regarding my trails and steps to recovery. I hope my experience will give someone hope and understanding as many people have been and will be The One Left Behind. And also inspire some of the friends of the ones suffering and help them understand what their friends are truly going though.


Do you know the one left behind? Well I do. She is the one who smiles when everyone is around. She puts on her best performance just to let them know everything is alright. She lies to her friends, acquaintances, family, and children to spare them the truth. She was always told the truth is the best way, it will set you free. This truth is not like that. The truth is hard and cold. It does not feel, care, or love. It has no heart, no mercy, and no soul.

When the people have all gone and the children are sleeping, the truth always comes stronger and louder than the last time. It always returns. She uses all her Entergy hiding the truth from the others, and every time it comes it destroys another piece of her. Soon she is only part of the women she was.
She tries to recall the way she was able to survive its last visit. She tries to think of new ways to overcome its enormous strength over her.

Morning comes to her like a blinding light that disables her lying in the bed, tear stains dried upon her checks, and she tries to think of any reason, any at all to get up. The day has begun again. It’s time to pretend again. Inside she is scared and alone. All she really wants is to laugh again, to bask in the sunshine, to feel anything other than pain and hopelessness, one ounce of happiness, love, or companionship.

She walks though the people in her day, smiling, saying hello, ect. But inside she is screaming is there anyone there? Can you see me? Can you hear me? Can you reach me? I am here right here. Help me. Don’t leave me here alone!!! Please find me. Once in a while he reaches in and pulls her out and for a moment she is free of the truth, but only for a moment. Those moments are all she has to hang on to. The only hope she has found. As the truth gets stronger, and closer the moments are further apart and the hope further away.

Today the truth comes in full strength. Charging into her heart like a hot steel blade. Piercing her heart with such pain that she is sure it will kill her. But the hot steal burns the injury as it pierces. Leaving her alive to endure the pain another day.

What is the truth?
The truth is cancer. And it is taking the man I love and need away. She has nothing to fight it with. it is winning and she can only watch it take him. Not all at once, but piece by piece. A little yesterday, some more today, and tomorrow, and who knows how hungry it will be tomorrow.

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