In my youth I had a very defined image of what it meant to be a “lady”. there was a differentiation between a man’s work and a woman’s work. For someone of my background this was very confusing,
But then I met a man who was angry with me for mowing the lawn. “What will the neighbor’s think?!” Never mind that he worked two jobs as well as spent a weekend each month away for the national guard-after returning home from the firth Gulf War.
What I learned of the difference between a woman’s job and a man’s job came mostly from my grandparents. And though Grandma Vi did the basic cleaning-laundry, bathrooms, dusting, Grandpa did the outdoor work-mowing, gardening, and house repairs. i was raised to be a “Lady”. I learned to sew, cook and clean.
But I also learned much more: I learned that, when He could not, it was my job to accomplish.
I remember mowing the lawn when my live-in boyfriend was too busy. He worked two jobs, went to college, and was in the National Guard after serving in the First Gulf War. I mowed the lawn and was reprimanded upon his return-“What will the neighbors think?!” I remember him saying that to me as clearly as I remember Papa telling me how his best friend dove into his foxholes during a raid. His best friend was blown up, and Papa survived because of the “mistake”.
Today, I type this with grass on my hands. There was a time when I might worry about being thought less a “lady” because of these grass stains. Today, I realize this grass may make me less a “lady” but more a “Wife”. It is not only during a war that women step up to do jobs they might not normally do, but everyday life that dictates responsibility.
Once upon a time, I wanted nothing more than to be a “good wife an mother”. Since then I have learned not only that I need not give birth to be a good mother, but to be a good wife means taking on tasks that I am ill equipped for.
My world has turned upside down. Instead of being a good “wife and mother” I am trying to do my best to take care of a world I did not create. I have discovered that those who cannot trust their war stories with anyone else, have shared them in my presence. I have learned that I can be a “lady” and still do WHATEVER it takes to accomplish. I have learned that to be “woman” means to set ones SELF aside and DO.
I am proud of the grass and calluses that stain my hands. I am proud of the sensitive soul that cannot take the outside world, but that Others are glad to call upon when doctors require compassion and strength. I KNOW I am not ALL, but I also Know that I AM just as I Am Needed.
I may forever doubt my strength or my placement. But I NEVER doubt my Purpose, and that I AM where I need to be, at the exact moment of requirement.