Angry Black Women: Debunking the Myth

Is there a group of women out there on the war path? Women destined to bring grief and misery into any man’s life for no apparent reason at all? I think not. Often in water cooler conversation men will compare women and vice versa. Having been a part of dozens of such debates I have come to the conclusion that black women have done little to earn the title.

Some men, including close friends of mine will argue that black women are too loud, too argumentative, or strong willed for their tastes. They all carry around a bag of horror stories that they will willingly use to justify their interracial preference. However, we often purposely over look the effect that our own behavior has on our partner. It is very easy to bash black women in front of your friends for being overly emotional, or quick to anger. Conversely it is very difficult to explain to your friends that she was angry because you didn’t bother to come home last night. Being a failed relationship survivor I can say that our actions are more likely to invoke a reaction, and not a genetic disposition to being randomly crazy.

Before we go so far as to classify a group of black women as “angry,” we should first look at the men making the claim. Two people with strong wills and forceful personalities are bound to clash at some point. Sometimes the things that we see in the opposite sex are reflections of what we like about ourselves. However, we rarely like the shoe when it is on the other foot; I have come to realize that those complaining at length about angry black women are often none other than angry black men.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial relationships in my opinion. They can however be a little misleading. Often, after a bad relationship we will seek the opposite of what we had, it’s only natural to avoid what you had problems with in the past. I feel that the mistake lies in thinking that it is the race of the woman and not the nature of the woman that needs to be avoided. I am sure that there are just as many angry Latin, or Caucasian women as there are African American women. It is possible that in exploring an interracial relationship, a man confuses the changes in the women he dates with the changes that he has made within himself. If a man has had problems with strong willed women in the past, and then goes on to find a great relationship with a woman who is meek, he has made a conscious effort to change the type of woman that he dates. That does not mean that the woman’s race had anything to do with the change.

The tendency to blame others for our own problems is one of the reasons why the myth of the “Angry Black Woman” has surfaced. In finding a more suitable partner outside of his own race, the male often excludes himself from any fault in his previous relationship by placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of the “Angry Black Woman.”

To say that a group of women is inherently harder to deal with than another based on race is unfair, and yet it has become the norm. Black men should not have to use black women as an excuse to date interracially. I believe that it points to a growing problem within society as a whole. We should not have to hide behind empty excuses and fairy tales in order to pursue what or more specifically, who we want. Whether you are dating or in a committed relationship, your behavior will directly affect the behavior of your partner. Be mindful of what you say and do, and how you chose to treat that person. Every action will cause a reaction, and remember, no one exists just to be angry.

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