QUESTION:
Dear CB,
Recently I met this guy through some good friends & we started dating. We have so much fun together. He is sweet, charming, funny, so fun to be around, caring, a complete gentleman, and he seems to be crazy about me. This guy is just about everything I have ever wanted in a man..what’s the problem, you ask? Well..I’m not physically attracted to him. I know that sounds terrible, and may make me a terrible person, but I dont know how to get that off my mind. Please help me. :/
Love,
Anonymous
ANSWER:
Dear Anonymous,
First of all, you’re not at all a terrible person or this guy wouldn’t be so crazy about you. The truth is, you can’t force something that isn’t there. It’s like trying to fit a square penis into a round vagina – it just won’t work. But before we rule this sweet, charming, funny, caring guy out, try to understand what it is you DO find attractive about a man. It’s different for every woman. Many women find a man’s personality to be the most attractive thing about a man. But if you say his personality is great, then that must not be true for you. If you aren’t attracted to the way he looks, that’s something you will either get over or you won’t, but there isn’t too much soul-searching involved to reach that conclusion. However, my real concern is whether or not you actually feel you deserve to be treated as great as he treats you. Many of the women we encounter who have a hard time falling for the “good-guy” often date men (if you can really even call it dating) who treat them poorly. Something in their lives triggered them to only become attracted to the “bad-guy” or the guy who could give two sh*ts about them. It’s important that you try to figure out if you are one of these women. If so, you may end up running into this situation ten times over so it’s best to address this issue now and try to work through it (preferably with a professional).
That being said we advise you not to break it off right away with Mr. Fun-to-be-around. It is entirely possible to suddenly develop an attraction to someone you previously weren’t attracted to and if he has all the qualities you want in a man, and he treats you great, then the relationship deserves a try. However, if you don’t find that attraction soon, it could turn into a miserable situation but you will know when it becomes unbearable. You will suddenly become uninterested and even the thought of him will make you want to crawl into a celibate hole. When this happens you will know it is time to let him go. The bottom line, give it some time. You never know what could happen. Maybe kissing this frog will turn him into a Prince. And then you get a castle and your very own chamber maid – how cool would that be?!
xoxo,
CB
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