More Than I Bargained For

I enjoyed some shopping with Aunt Irma yesterday at the mall. From beginning to end, the whole thing was a head spinning, horn honking adventure- or should I say misadventure. The day started out fine, and it really wasn’t Aunt Irma’s fault that guy set off his car alarm when he did.

We’d just gotten out of the car at the mall and were just rounding the front of his car when the alarm went off. The horn started honking and lights began flashing; it startled us both. Aunt Irma instinctively pushed me out of the way and dove right onto the hood of the car yelling, “Eaehhhgghh, run for your life, honey, run!” I couldn’t run…I’d gone backwards into the little hedge that separates the two parking sections there. It’s a good thing I was wearing green; it matched the four shades of red that my face turned.-especially when Aunt Irma, trying to help me, ended up in my lap. We both almost went over backward onto the ground. “Here, let me help you, Sweetie,” (Super Irma) We almost had to call for a skidster just to lift her purse. We managed to get ourselves out of that bush, and after we brushed off the twigs and leaves, we headed into the mall.

Aunt Irma was as excited as ever. I knew I should have run…No more escalators when Aunt Irma’s wearing heels. She caught her heel as we were going up fell backwards. Fortunately, the gentleman behind her caught her and held her up while she tried to get her heel out of the stair and stand up. Unfortunately, when she fell backward, her one leg flew up and she kicked me right in the butt, sending me into the guy just ahead of me. He grabbed the woman in front him to keep himself from falling all over her. She screamed like a banshee, turned in his arms and slapped his face, declaring, “You guys are all alike! You’ll do anything trying to pick up women! Let me go!” Just then, we were getting to the top and she stormed off.

Meanwhile, Aunt Irma had freed her stuck heel, but unfortunately had broken the heel off her other shoe. So now, we’re on the second floor mezzanine and looking for a shoe store. with my green outfit and bright red face, and Aunt Irma, limping on one broken heeled shoe, faux fur, Cher hair, and her big, big shiny bag. -Oh yeah, and big, glitzy and dark Hollywood shades. After that “embarrassin’ ordeal, she felt she had to go “incognito”…and we’re looking for the shoe store.
Copyright by Marina Morrison (aka) Eden Stillwater, December 2011-All Rights Reserved

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