During my long and hellish journey in customer service, I have learned a few survival tactics that I’d like to share with you. Keep in mind that not of all these tactics are appropriate for every workplace. Your employer may still believe that the customer is always right, or that it is in fact your duty to repeatedly endure soul-sucking interactions for the good of the company. It is the responsibility of every customer service employee to figure out the following: “To what extent will I be allowed to defend myself against raving lunatic customers in this environment without being terminated?” This can be even more tricky than dealing with the actual customers themselves, as the actual protocol is usually much different than what is written in the handbook, or preached by the manager in meetings. Therefore, proceed with caution.
Problem: Some people you just can’t please.
Solution: Don’t even bother trying.
Some people get their jollies by talking down to you, because you are in a position of inferiority. You are the ‘server’, and they are the person to be served. They are the Almighty Paying Customer. They feel very helpless in their own sad little life of ruined dreams, so they get a real kick out of being able to be rude to someone who isn’t supposed to be rude back to them. It offers them a rare feeling of power. They really don’t care much about the issue they claim to be upset about.
They don’t really want a quick or easy solution. They want the chance to yell at you for a while. They eventually run out of steam and then go away, feeling satisfied even though no resolution was reached, the way teenaged girls feel better after a good cry, or cutting session. This has been evidenced to me by repeat customers who always find something to shout about, no matter how miniscule. This kind of person will blow anything out of proportion. If they can’t find something to complain about, they will make something up. Is the manager going to call them a flat out liar? They don’t believe so.
Do not attempt to go out of your way to calm or soothe this kind of person, or offer compensation for their troubles. It won’t work. Do not fry any of your brain cells over such a waste of space. Turn them over to someone else. Which brings us to our next tactic:
Problem: Client flat out refuses to accept any reasonable explanation or offer.
Solution: Pass the buck.
Unless you want to have an aneurysm to just end it all, you need to direct this person’s anger towards someone or something else. Logic will not work on them. Tell them you will get a manager or supervisor. Your manager makes more money than you and it is their job to deal with a person if you are not successful.
If your manager will not deal with the customer, or you are the manager, make something up. Tell them you will have the regional manager contact them. Tell them the owner would love to talk and resolve the issue, but she’s on her honeymoon. If they threaten to report you to the Better Business Bureau, Attorney General, the police, or their lawyer, gleefully agree that yes, that would be best.
Such customers are usually quick to backtrack when you respond that you would be happy to make the call to the Attorney General/police/security to see what they have to say about the situation. (I did have once have a customer take me up on this offer. The Attorney General sided with me.) 99% of customers will not follow through on their threats of going that far, because they know they are in the wrong and they are just trying bully you.
Problem: Customer is yelling and won’t listen to anything you say.
Solution: Uncomfortable silence.
Most obstinate customers have learned through experience that you will eventually either argue back with them, or you will cave and give them what they want. Their response to your thoughtful, reasonable explanations is: more yelling. They plan to escalate your emotions to the point that you will either blow up at them (and get fired) or give in to their demands.
When they pause to take a breath in between their rants, do not say anything at all. Eventually even the angriest person has a realization that they have been the only one doing the yelling for some time, quiet down and wait for your response. Awkward silence sometimes disarms them. Do not respond at all, not even with a “uh-huh” or “okay” or “hmm”. Just look at them. It is a psychological tactic; the silence becomes uncomfortable and the first person to break the silence due to discomfort has assumed a position of weakness.
If they ask why you aren’t responding, you can simply reply with something like “Yes, I’m listening.” This simple statement simultaneously shows respect and prompts them to continue, but they’ve run out of things to say. This tends to really throw them off track, and they will start stuttering or waffling.
Note: this tactic sometimes goes awry if you are on the phone, because the person may think you’ve hung up. If so, great! Hopefully they won’t call back!
Problem: Customer uses thinly veiled charm to get you to do something for them.
Solution: Act like a robot.
The customer who uses a disingenuously friendly manner with you in an attempt to get you to do something unusual for them is simply trying to con you. These customers are slightly more intelligent than the tantrum-throwers, as they have some inkling of what sympathy is. They imagine that you must deal with difficult people a lot, and hope that by acting cool you will be relieved to talk with someone who appears sane.
These people usually have delusions of grandeur, that they are some kind of genius mentalist, or charming handsome guy, or great actor. Their veneer of friendship is thinly coated over a seething core of anger and disrespect. These people will try to randomly compliment you or make remarks about how they sympathize with you, but in reality they see you as a weak, malleable puppet. They have no respect for you, and see you as simply a cog in the machine that they must oil to get what they want. And a cog you must be. The most effective response to these types of customers is to show no hint whatsoever of your humanity. Do not laugh at their jokes. Do not nod along when they talk about how difficult it must be to be you. They are trying to play you like a violin, and you must show them that you are more like a circuit breaker. There is no gray area. There is no human element. There is only the company policy. You are simply a mouthpiece for the machine. Talk in a flat, uncaring tone of voice. Stare back at them with indifference.
Their strategy is to play your emotions, and if you show them that your job has crushed any remaining shred of joy left in your soul, they will have no hand left to play, and usually give up.
Problem: The customer is trying to argue a technical point.
Solution: Confuse them.
Sometimes a customer thinks they are being very clever by citing some technical point, such as a clause in a contract, or questions the wording of a certain policy. This person may think they have the upper hand because they have a reference in writing. They are operating under the impression that they are smarter than you, or believe they have discovered a magical loophole that will allow them to get what they want. They may believe that they should have gone to law school instead of going into massive debt for an English Literature degree. This person knows they don’t really have a leg to stand on, but thinks it’s worth a try to save some money and hopes that you will just be too dumb to counter their creative argument.
Ideally, you will be smarter than this person, or you will know your company’s policy forwards and backwards so that you can immediately dismiss their claim with something in writing that clearly contraindicates their argument. Use large words and conflagrated language that hopefully they won’t understand. For example, if a tenant argues a rent increase, don’t say helplessly, “Well, the owner wants me to increase your rent”. Say something like “The company’s annual analysis has determined that the proposed increase is consistent with area market rents, including commercial real estate triple net rates, and is necessary due to increased expenses.” Things that the customer signed are a gold mine. Read off large chunks of the legal bits of their signed contract in a confident and monotone voice, followed by a reminder that they signed that agreement on such-and-such date.
If you are unsure, you can always read aloud parts of the contract or company policy that you think may be even remotely related to the issue at hand. The customer often won’t know the difference, and will often back down simply due to the authoritative-sounding writing. If all else fails, ask them a lot of questions. Ask them about dates and times, ask them what proof they have, ask them what contract clause they are referring to, ask them anything and everything you can think of. Asking questions will often reveal the cracks in their argument as they won’t have an answer, or they trip up and unwittingly reveal information that contradicts the legitimacy of their complaint.
I realize that this article makes me sound like the customer service agent from hell, the one you really don’t want to get when you are trying to resolve a problem. What I would really like to stress is this: I can be the best customer service agent you ever dealt with, or, I can be the worst. I am a human being. I am not stupid, and I am educated. I have emotions. If you are polite, if you have a legitimate request or complaint, I will do everything in my power to help you. I will offer you any and all information that may benefit you, even if it is not part of my job description or in the best interests of the company. I will go out of my way for you. I may bend the rules, or completely break the rules if I feel you deserve it. However, if you outright lie to me, disrespect me, or bully me, I will do everything in my power to thwart you, because you are acting like a piece of doody and you don’t deserve to get away with it.
There will always be customer service agents who get shat upon every day of their lives. I would hope that these jobs are fleeting for most, perhaps a temporary position as you go to school, and that you move on to bigger and better things once you have had your taste of “The General Public.” If you are a customer service agent and you detest your job and meager existence, I beg you: Do as I say and not as I do. Stay calm. Don’t take it personally. Grow a thick skin. Seek therapy. Get drunk only as often as is physically and financially responsible. Apply for other types of jobs, even ones that you think you do not qualify for. Get out while you can.