My First Encounter with Abortion as a Man

I am currently 22 years old. I have been with my lady friend for about two going on three years. She has a child that she had with another man while we had split up before and we are currently trying to work through the issues arising from this. In this story I will call her “Meagan” to not reveal who she is. Like I said before she has a child with another man that she had while we were separated. She delivered this summer while I was deployed into the war zone. The entire time I was away we were talking until I found out she was pregnant; I still told her that I loved her and wished for her to be happy, assuring her that I would still be there for her if she would have me. As time goes by she has the baby girl; its time for me to return home now. Weeks go by with me developing a bond with the baby girl who I love with all my heart. Meagan is at first hesitate to allow me to get so close with her child fearing that I may have some resentment towards her having a child by another man. These problems die down and new ones arise as time goes on steadily building up to the current situation. She starts feeling sick and of course we find out she is pregnant.

Pregnancy, bringing a life into this world from nothing but an act of sexual desire. In my mind I am overwhelmed, vulnerable, untouchable, rushed, slowed, thoughtful, mindless, and every contradiction that could be applied to the situation. I know in the back of my mind that this is the outcome of unprotected sex but somehow I cant believe it. All at once I am feeling the best high I could describe by the revelation that I am having a baby. Me and my love are having created life together. This joy last until I see Meagan later on that night when she informs me that she doesn’t feel we need to have this child. All of my joy has ceased to exist in the 10 seconds it took for those words to exit her lips and in return it has formed a “shadow” around my heart.In my weakness I inform her that i will be there for her in any decision that she decides to make. It will be the both of us to make it thought his period of life together or so i thought until she tells me after a horrific episode of me breaking down crying of the thought of killing a child that I help create. Now she thinks that she needs to do this alone and to block/push me away.

Finally I come to my senses and realize that this isn’t me; I haven’t been raised to abandon my child in this way. I inform her what prayer has made me realize; what prayer has released from my heart. All the built up doubt and been let go and now I have a focus: to save my child. I arrange a meeting where I tell her that I am against this whole business of killing our child that God blessed us with. I understand that it will be difficult but I know I can do anything thorough prayer. After me pouring out all of my heart things turn for the worse. Meagan now feels I am an distraction and that she is all alone; that she doesn’t feel like being bothered with me and our problems. Briefly stating she needs time to think. Of course trying to be an understanding man I comply with giving her the space she needs. As the days go by I feel compiled to call her and talk to her abut the situation. Of course I realize that this may feel right but could risk pushing her away. So my heart is torn between the love of my lady and my instinct to save my child. If she gets the abortion I lose my lady and my child. If she keeps the abortion I still may risk losing her in the process.

Some people think that it is only the woman that hurts when the option of abortion comes onto the table. But from a young age men are taught to stand up for what you believe in and die by these same values. What do you tell a man who stands by and watches a child of his lose its life? What do i do?

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