Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Who can that be calling me? My phone has been ringing off the hook for the past hour. No way I’m gonna look at the caller ID. No effin’ way! Maybe I should turn my ringer off. Out of sight out of mind, right? But if I were to turn off my ringer, that would require me to get out of here and actually go get the phone. And if I get the phone off of my night stand, I’d for sure see who it is that’s calling me. I’d rather just sit here in my closet with the light off. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

There it is again! Why do they keep calling me? What do they want?! I don’t even know who they are. They could be anybody. They could be the cops, they could be the state of Texas, they could be…they could be…Oh thank God. The ringing has stopped. Maybe I will go and get my phone after all. I think that my blinds and curtains are still drawn. At least I hope they are.

Whew! That was a close call. I went to get my phone and while I was in my bedroom I heard a car door slam. I didn’t peek out of my window though. No way. No way I’m gonna look. It could be anybody out there. It could be the cops, it could be the sheriff, it could be…it could be…Him.

He knows I’m here. At least I think He knows. No way I’m leaving this closet. No way. Oh no! Someone’s calling me again. I can see the faint glow of my phone in the darkness. I’m not gonna look at it. I’m not. In fact, when it stops glowing, I’m gonna turn it off. Turn it off and throw it in the hamper. If I can’t hear the phone or see if it’s ringing, then they can’t touch me. Out of sight out of mind, right?

I gotta use the bathroom. I can’t hold it any longer. I guess I’ll venture out. I hate to leave this place, but I just can’t hold it any longer. Plus I want to sneak a peek outside to see if I can see anything. I can look out of my bathroom window and see down my street. Okay, I’m going. I just can’t hold it any longer.

NO! NO! Omigod! Now someone’s knocking at my door! Oh no! Not my door. Not now! I’m in the middle of…Forget it! I’ve let enough out to feel comfortable. I’m gonna creep ever so cautiously back to my closet. I didn’t get a chance to look out of my window either. Damnit! I bet that’s Him knocking at my door. I just bet it is. I’m in trouble. Bad trouble. And if it’s not the cops or the FBI then it is surely Him. Which is even worse. The cops or the feds won’t shoot me on spot. At least with those guys I’ll get a chance to plead my case.

At least I made it back and the knocking has subsided. At least for now. I better look at my phone to see if I had any missed calls. God I sure don’t want to look at it. Oh thank you Jesus! No calls. Thank God for small favors. Out of sight, out of mind.

I shouldn’t even be in this position. I knew what I was doing was wrong I knew it and I did it anyway. Now I gotta worry about the cops, the feds, and worst of all, I gotta worry about Him. I don’t know what’s worse. Him or the law. Either one could put my butt in a sling. I think I’d rather take my chances with…

OH-NO! Not again! The knocking. It’s louder this time! Louder and it sounds angry. My tongue feels like a dry, sandy slug and my mouth tastes like I’ve been sucking on dirty pennies all day. I couldn’t muster a good spit even if I wanted to. I’m so thirsty.

How long are they gonna knock? I’m not sure how long they’ve been there knocking. It feels like an eternity. Why won’t they just let me be? I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just know that it’s Him! Him or the cops. Or the feds. Or maybe its…WHAT! Now my phone is lighting up again! Oh man, this is bad. This is so far beyond bad. My heart is racing, my palms are sweating, I feel like I’m gonna pass smooth out. I’m not gonna look at my phone. I’m just gonna stay here in my closet. Stay here in my closet and wait.

How long have I been out I wonder. Better check the phone. Oh-no! Seven missed calls. Seven missed calls and I’ve been out for a little over an hour. It’s going on 4pm. I’m not looking at those missed calls. I simply will not. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Because I know if I look at my phone, and I look at those missed calls, I’ll see numbers that I don’t want to see. I just can’t. I just can’t look. Because if I look, and those missed calls are from who I think they’re from, I’m done, Jack. I’m done. I think I’m gonna vomit.

I didn’t puke. But I sure felt like it there for a second. I used to be normal. I used to be. Funny how things start with the best intentions and end up all jacked up. I never wanted this. I never thought it would come to this in the first place. All I was trying to do was make ends meet. That’s all I was trying to do. Anyone would’ve done the same. Or maybe they wouldn’t have. But it’s too late now to look back. I crossed a line. And that line that I crossed…there’s just no going back. All I wanted was to make a better life for myself.

NOT AGAIN! The knocking is back! It’s Him. I guarantee it is. I know it like I know it. And now my phone is lighting up at the same time! I just can’t take anymore of this. I just can’t. Where’s my gun? I know I still have one bullet left over from the other night. I only fired off fifteen shots. I still have one shot left.

Either way, I’m done. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I can’t keep hiding in my closet like a scared, little nothing. But on the other hand, I’m not man enough to face the music either. I’m in a no win situation here. All I know is that I did my best. I did my best to play the hand that I was dealt. Sometimes you gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em and know when to walk away. So, I’m gonna fold ‘em and then I’m gonna walk away.

Too bad I didn’t stay in the game just a little bit longer. Too bad. It wasn’t Him calling me and it wasn’t the cops or the feds knocking at my door. In fact, it was nothing of the kind. My best friend was calling me to tell me that his wife had just given birth to their first born son. And the knocking, the knocking was my neighbor trying to tell me that he had just won tickets to an Astro’s game and he was wanting to see if I’d like to go with him.

Funny how things turn out. There will be no celebrating my best friend’s proudest moment. There will be no baseball and beer for me. Not today. Not ever. Some EMT will find my body hidden away in my closet and I’ll be toe-tagged and bagged and put on a cold, metal slab somewhere so my body can be identified.

And I won’t be around tomorrow afternoon at 4pm when He comes for me. When he comes for me with a smile on his face and a gun in his jacket. No sir. I won’t be around for that either. In fact, I won’t be around at all. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

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