You’re pregnant! You didn’t plan this, but are trying to make the best of the situation. You want the best for your baby. And, it’s only natural that you desire for the baby to have two parents in the same house. You and your boyfriend are talking about marriage.
If you are contemplating getting married and are pregnant, you’re not alone. In fact, “Should we get married because I’m pregnant” is a common internet search term. Thousands of women each year face an unplanned pregnancy. Some women choose to marry and have a happy marriage. Others choose not to. And, unfortunately, some marry and later regret it.
Marriage is a legal covenant that should be taken very seriously. If you are considering getting married, these questions might help you.
Would you marry him if you were not pregnant?
If you were not pregnant, would be marrying him? If the answer is no, then by all means, do not marry him. That is a big red flag that the marriage may not work. Never, ever marry someone just because you are pregnant.
Often these marriages will either be extremely miserable, or will end in divorce quickly. One recent example is Leah and Corey from the hit MTV show Teen Mom. They married after their twins were born. The marriage lasted only six months.
Are you truly, deeply in love with him?
Are you head-over-heels in love with your boyfriend? If not, take a step back and rethink this situation. While plenty of people do not marry for love, love is the “glue” that will hold a marriage together. If you aren’t “ga-ga-goo-goo” madly in love with him, do not walk down the aisle.
Can you say the vows and truly mean it?
Can you honestly say that you will be there for him in sickness and in health? Will you be there for him through the ups and downs? If you cannot see yourself growing old with him, then by all means do not marry him. A vow is a promise. If you cannot promise to be there for him until he dies, then do not marry him.
Have you sought premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling allows for the both of you to discuss issues that could arise in your marriage. You can open up about money, sex and the relationship with your in-laws. Premarital counseling is recommended for all couples, not just those who are expecting a baby.
Most churches offer premarital counseling for free. Also, some churches have classes just for engaged couples. Call some churches in your area to find a reputable counselor.
Would you want your future daughter marrying a guy like him?
If you are not pregnant with a baby girl, imagine that you are. Would you want your daughter to grow up to marry someone like him? Would you want her husband to treat her the way your boyfriend treats you? If the answer is no, that is a big red flag that he is not the one for you.
Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if you are in a healthy situation. Ask yourself what you would want your daughter (or sister, best friend), to do if she were in your shoes.
These are just five questions to ask before getting married. Marriage is a serious commitment. This decision must not be taken lightly. Remember, you can also continue to date and get married later.
Of course, many pregnant couples do choose to get married. And, they have very happy marriages. The decision to get married should be a personal decision made with you and your boyfriend.
If you are still unsure, please seek counseling. If you cannot afford it, please call a crisis hotline such as Lovelines at (612) 379-1199. (Visit lovelines.org to learn more.)
For more relationship advice, please read “20 Signs You’re Dating Mr. Wrong”. Also, check out “Random Questions to Ask Your Fiance Before You Get Married.”
If you are scared at the thought of raising a baby without a husband, try not to be. Thousands of other single moms have been there. Check out “How to Find Support As a Single Mom” for advice.
Best wishes as you make decisions for your future!