A Human’s Guide to the Vampire Lifestyle

You’ve dreamt of it, you’ve lusted after popular Hollywood icons that fill the big screen (and your fancy LCD television), and you’ve read the books. Despite your wealth of new information on the (un)life of vampires, are you truly ready for an eternity in the undead state? Don’t be duped by current trends, familiarize yourself with vampires and find out.

Don’t Expect to Sparkle

With the current Zeitgeist in vampire pop culture, you may have come to some slightly wrong conclusions concerning the undead appearance of the blood sucker. First, consider your ambiance. Ever since Dracula first donned that stylish black cape, vampires have been deeply rooted into their favorite (lack of) color, black. For starters, it provides a startling contrast to the pale skin that is a byproduct of the undead condition. It also helps draw attention away from you when lurking, and lurking you shall. No vampire will truly feel secure when skulking through the shadows when wearing anything else but black.

Hollywood Vampires Have Big Houses… Do You?

Before you enter the world of the vampire, consider whether or not you already have the proper living arrangement, that being a fancy home that will give you some semblance of illusion that you’re just like everyone else. Let’s face it , the vampire that’s going to bite you may well be another blood-thirsty freeloader only wanting one thing from you. Don’t count on him (or her) having the fancy pad. It is entirely possible that you’ll be stuck to rise from a casket every night, and having your own place to keep it beats digging yourself out of a grave every night. Before you seduce the living dead to let you join their ranks, see to your finances first.

Living With Addictions

If you already have an addiction, maybe you have an idea of what you’ll have to go through; but keep in mind that there isn’t a rehab for vampires. Society has a whole has turned a blind eye to the needs of a vampire, because it affects very few of the living. You’re going to be a hungry undead thing, and you’ll soon have to get your fix. Unfortunately, this fix is the blood of others. In books, and the lighter vampire genre of current Hollywood vampire, you don’t really get the full effect. But picture having the reality of drinking blood. It’s a disturbing image. There’s the mess, it tends to not be sanitary (necks can be sweaty, and facial hair can be weird to bite through), and you need to know the health risks. You might automatically assume that vampires are immune to HIV or hepatitis B. Are you willing to take that chance? Those in need of a fix tend to make hasty judgments.

The Endless Party

But it’s not all bad, right? You get to run around at night, crashing parties, hitting night clubs, and keeping others up. Heck, you’re probably sleeping all day anyway. At first this might not be such a bad thing, but you still have to think of the bigger picture. Unless you were one of the lucky ones and have a vampire sugar daddy, how are you going to support your current lifestyle? Will your friends let you crash at their place the rest of their lives, if they can even trust you anymore? This means finding, at the very least, a part time job. Sure, the internet has opened up options for making money, but how many people do you really know that are already doing that? In the end, keeping the party going is going to be a fairly big job in itself. Just because you’re a vampire doesn’t mean you can leech off of others all of the time.

So there you have it, a brief glimpse of a few of the considerations that need to be on your mind before you let one of the undead bite you. Be ready to take the good with the bad, and remember that there are other things to consider, such as would-be vigilantes with wooden stakes. In the end, don’t let Hollywood romance blind you to the monster.

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