As I lay in the bed tonight my thoughts take me to many memories of the things said and done, some good some bad. I wonder how I will say goodbye to the person that defined my life and helped make me who I am. I find that losing the love of your life and losing your best friend are not much different, especially when they are the same person. The love affair may have ended long ago but the love remains.
When you are close enough to someone to read their thoughts they become part of you forever. Their thoughts are your own and their pain just as strong. Though we have prepared for this for years I know I am not prepared at all. Though I have known the outcome, I know nothing at all. As the time goes by and things should become clearer, I am further away and can’t see for the tears.
Years of work to get somewhere only to reach it and find it is no longer there. Years of waiting till you reach the point of all you worked so hard to achieve to find it is ending. Now I only go through the motions of life but don’t really live. The irony and the guilt and pain way so heavy that the happiness I once longed for and finally reach is now but a moment I once spent. A moment that went so fast, sometimes I wonder if it was a dream.
I found my fairy tale, but there is no ever after. I will not complain and ask why, why must it be this way. I rejoice that I was one of the lucky few that found utopia and the moment I spent there, that small second in time, will remain within me for all eternity.
My life is blessed by the brief presents of such joy and such pain that I truly cannot deny that I am alive. And I have lived. I have had what most spent their lifetime searching for and never find. I am grateful for every second of it. And I honestly know firsthand it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.
When I bring these memories to mind I know that I can accomplish anything in life and that I am loved. Though the lost sometimes clouds my site and the strength within me seems diminished, I know all things are possible and I will endure this and more. And I know I have enough love within me to last the remainder of my days.