I dutifully sat in front of the computer screen and just stared into it. The date was December 29, 1992; a date I will never forget. I had finally resigned myself to the fact that I would soon be a single man once again. My Christmas present from my wife this year was a request for a divorce.
She had asked me for a divorce not because I had done something horrible but because she had found a new outlet for her emotions, adult sites on the computer. She wanted me to join in on her fun but I couldn’t bring myself to even consider doing the things she did. Not that I’m a prude or anything, but I realized I was in a committed relationship, with one woman, not a universe full of them. Still, this morning she had convinced me to get on the computer and try one more time. She wanted me to find help for my problem.
My heart was broken. My spirit was gone, but I humored her and I signed onto the site at the base of all our problems. This is the one she seemed to have the most fun with. Besides the adult only room they also had games. That’s where I spent my time. But this morning, I went ahead and went into the adult world and cast my plea out into the vast universe for all to view; “My wife spends all her time on here with other men and I can not deal with it. Can you help me?”
As quick as I hit the enter button to send the message I started receiving replies; “Get a life.” “Leave her alone.” “Let her have her fun.” As I sat there, contemplating my next move, I continued to be barraged with negative replies. I just sat and stared. Suddenly, out of the cloud of flying message balloons, I saw one that was different; one that was searching for me; “I know how you feel, I have the same problem.”
She heard me, somebody recognized me and came to my rescue. I didn’t know who it was or where she was from, but I hastily typed my response back to her. “Who are you, how do I reach you? But, I couldn’t get through the wall of negative responses. Then I saw another message from her; “Well, I can see you are busy and I am heading out the door for breakfast. I will look you up later.”
Just like that, she came into my life, spent a few seconds of amazing therapy, and she was gone. With those few words she had lightened my burden immensely. I had thought I must be an anomaly to be feeling the way I did. I must be the only one who thought this was wrong. But, there was at least one other, a woman, someone who understood my plight. I must find her.
I shut down, ran upstairs and into the sweet smell of fried chicken and mashed potatoes. My wife, whatever else she may have been, was an excellent cook. The smells were there and the noises of my kids and wife busily setting the table and cooking, surrounded me. But tonight, this one time, I didn’t care. I had launched myself on a quest to find my unknown benefactor and nothing else mattered.
I sat quietly and had dinner with my family. I tried to look at my wife and find a hint of remorse, but it wasn’t there. She had told me she knows it hurts me, but she has to have it. That was her explanation for her antics on the adult site. I pleaded with her to stop, but to no avail. She said she had other things she had to attend to besides just me. She looked me straight in the eye and said; “You are not my number one priority, you are not even my number two priority, I can’t even say you are my number three.”
My importance in her life fell somewhere at number four or below. I wasn’t even running a close second to anything. This was my Christmas present this year; her full revelation of how she really felt about me. That and her request for a divorce.
Fate took over. It led me to where I had to be. With the help of God’s guiding hand, I found the woman who reached out to me. We talked, we met, we wed two years later and we live together in perfect harmony still today; a full 18 years later. We are each other’s pull apart, our destiny, each one’s number one priority.
I gave my wife the divorce she wanted. She continued in her quest for communication on the adult sites. Our kids left her and moved in with us, she lost our house even though I was still sending her the money to pay for it and today she lives alone and tells me she finally understands what I must have felt so many years ago. No apology but at least an acknowledgment.
That is one Christmas I will never forget; I lost my life’s love but I gained even more when I found my true destiny, my number one priority!