Despair.
The voice was distant, not at all close to my world.
It was not what I wanted to hear; it was telling me what I knew, what I wanted, what I feared.
Unemotional, matter of fact, apologetic, uncompromising.
Nothing for me to say or do. I had known this would be the outcome.
Anger, denial, blame and finally excuses. I had them all ready; confirmed to myself and ready for dissemination.
Failure.
This is what I had become. Dreams, plans, life.
I was not one in a million, special, or exceptionally gifted. I have become the mediocrity.
You gave me my validation. The validation that I had forced you to admit. I still need you as an excuse.
But I knew in my heart that this was what I wanted, the power of the subconscious bringing me joy.
Freedom.
Time to move on. Count my blessings.
I have my children, grown and competent. I have the continuation of my gene pool, 3 years old now.
Most of all I have the love of my life.
Blessing.