On Dating the Good Guy: An Inside Look

Jerks. A-holes. Bad boys. D-bags. We’ve all been there, girls, dating these guys that we know aren’t right for us. But why do we put ourselves through this emotional roller coaster? I have given it some thought, and am here to offer up my theory:

We just like the thrill of it.

With the “good guys” it’s always the same you know? They’re very respectful and nice and hold doors and offer to pay for dinner and say sweet things and it’s just so…nice. But, in the back of our minds we know that they might not mean everything they do because, after all, they’re nice guys and they’ve had a lot of practice to get where they are now with these good guy habits, which ultimately means that everything, everything nice they have ever done for you has been done for the girls who have come before you. Nothing is original. All the door holding is just a muscle reflex. All the sweet things they say telling you you’re great and beautiful have all been said before. And that leaves us thinking: Does he even mean any of it?

With the bad boys, with the boys who treat us like crap, who play mind games with us over and over, who are our boyfriends one day and ex’s the next for no apparent reason, these are the boys all of us girls end up going for. We do it because they need us. We do it because we need a project. We do it because it will feel like the biggest accomplishment of our young adult lives if we can get them to change their wild ways. Once a girl gets a bad boy to commit, we know we have something here. We know that with this commitment comes all the emotional baggage of mommy issues, misfit issues, never being understood issues, always being the “different” kid issues. So, when they say “You’re beautiful,” or, “I have never felt happier than now with you,” it makes you feel special, like you’ve not only accomplished something, but like you’ve won the ultimate prize: Bad boy gone good.

As women, we like issues. We watch Maury because we like hearing about other peoples baby daddy issues, (“You ARE the father!”). We watch Oprah because we like knowing about the issues other people face in their lives and it makes us more aware. We have girl dates to get together and complain about the issues in our lives and talk them out with our best friends. When it’s our boyfriend who has the issue (in this case, the issue doesn’t matter, because they all fuel the bad boy protege), we are the ones who get to fix it. And us women, we like fixing things. Or do we?

Having dated a fair number of jerks, I’m ready for a good guy to date. And why is that? No, it’s not because I’m single; that’s fine. It’s because between all the door holding, and offering to pay for dinner, and being polite, and saying sweet things, there is a man who is well adjusted. Often as women we overlook the guy for more than what he does (Well, at least I can.) I want a nice guy because I don’t want to “fix” a guy; it never works anyways. I want a guy who has himself together, knows what he wants, and doesn’t have that ex-girlfriend that he is still hung up on. I want to date a guy that opens my car door and holds my hand just because he can.

I know that a nice guy says nice things like, “You’re pretty,” or “You make me so happy,” because nice guys don’t lie. They mean what they say and the last thing they will do is put you on emotional roller coaster and play mind games with you. I don’t want to have to wonder if the reason I’m not being texted back is because I said something wrong, or if he’s mad at me, or if he has his tongue down some other girls throat behind my back. And nice guys never do that.

I want someone who is dependable and trustworthy and someone who doesn’t “need” changing. I can barely take care of myself some days, so how am I supposed to take care of some guy who is constantly going to be needy? I don’t do needy. I don’t care if the nice guy has had previous girlfriends he has loved, or almost married, or if he has said lovely things to them. Truth is, that’s great. Because when it comes down to it, I’ve been in love with other guys, too, and have said nice things to other guys as well, and that’s okay because we’re human and we change and adapt.

So here is a plea to my female friends: give the nice guy a chance. Realize that you’re worth more than the mind-games and always complaining to your friends about the bad boy you’re dating (“Ugh, he didn’t call at all last night and stood me up the night before! It must be his mommy issues flaring up again. I understand. He loves me, I just know it.) He might love you, but he might also be mackin’ on that equally bad a*s chick in some run down bar when he isn’t with you. So before your next date with that mysterious guy, make sure he’s mysterious for the right reasons, and that you’re not getting yourself (read: heart) in over your head….again.

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