Starting Anew: Recovering From Lost Love

Lord Alfred Tennyson, an English poet, once wrote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” (the Literature Network website). However, if you just broke up with someone you thought was the love of your life, you might not agree. Many people wonder, “Why is it so hard to get over someone?” Furthermore, “What can I do to recover from losing a relationship?” Applying principles of psychology will assist you to have a full recovery from your lost relationship. Read on.

Why it’s Difficult to get over a Broken Relationship

Consider some of the reasons you struggle when trying to move on from a relationship:

–You get hung up over what you could have or should have done differently. Yes, that old tune, regret plays repeatedly after a relationship reaches its end. “If only I would have listened more” or “Why did I allow her to treat me that way, even in the beginning?”

–You lack understanding into the other person’s feelings. When you truly don’t understand someone you used to share a relationship with, you feel confused. You struggle to figure out what happened between the two of you or why it ended. So, you keep going over it in your head.

–You focus too much on the good times. After you start missing your former partner, you begin to reflect on how much fun the two of you shared and all the good things that are absent in your life now that the relationship is over.

How to Recover from a Lost Love

Put these psychological strategies to work when you want to get over somebody:

Focus on yourself. Make a commitment to work to improve yourself in some way. Whether it’s exercising regularly or reading for at least 30 minutes a day, when you focus on your own needs, you’ll gain back personal power.

Take time with your home. Okay, so you’ve got more free time lately. Rather than moping, why not tackle a project? Maybe you’ve planned to paint your bedroom but never had the time or wanted to plant flowers in the yard. When you return to the comforts of home by making it your sanctuary, you’ll spend less time thinking about your prior relationship.

Set up time daily to cry. As strange as this behavioral suggestion sounds, scheduling crying time allows an opportunity to express sad feelings. At the same time, you’ll be taking control over how much time you spend grieving the relationship.

For example, plan to cry at 6:30 p.m. daily for 15 minutes. If you feel upset during your day, remind yourself, “Not now, I’ll cry at 6:30.” Then when it’s 6:30 p.m., let your tears flow. After 15 minutes, resume your evening activities. Eventually you’ll skip your scheduled cry.

–Recollect reasons the relationship ended. If you ended it, cognitively review the reasons you did so. In situations where your partner called it quits, think about what he/she said at the time. It’s an effective reality check to thoughtfully consider the things about the relationship that frustrated, hurt, or saddened you (Psychology Today website).

–Recognize what you’ve learned. Open your mind to see the knowledge you’ve gained from the relationship experience.

–Seek professional guidance. If you’re going in circles and struggling to get back on track after the demise of a close relationship, consider seeing a mental health professional for support to get yourself going in the right direction again.

You can recover from a lost love and eventually agree with Lord Alfred Tennyson’s sentiments that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. By applying solid psychological principles through using these suggestions, you’ll move forward. If you understand what you’re experiencing and commit to some useful strategies, you’ll restore a healthy, happy existence for yourself.


The Literature Network

Professional experience

Psychology Today website

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