As a parent of a growing boy, I have spent a significant amount of time around parents of other boys. Through observing other parents and struggling with our own desire for our son to grow into a strong, well-respected yet respectful young man, I have noted that there are essentially two different trains of thought when it comes to disciplining boys.
Boys Will Be Boys
Some parents take the approach that “boys will be boys,” and this is used in many different ways by different parents. Some parents will use it almost as an apology of sorts to explain to other parents their own son’s poor behavior. Try as they might, they just cannot seem to rein that behavior in. Other parents use it as a means to justify inaction on their part as they allow their son to run amok without constraint at all. Sometimes this is based on inattention on the parents’ part, but oftentimes it is based on the parents’ desire not to raise a wimpy child. It is their belief that raising a free-spirited boy that isn’t constantly scolded, chided, and disciplined in front of others will make him into a stronger adult.
Do As I Say
Then there is the other train of thought that basically expects young boys to act appropriately, and their children understand that discipline will take place if instructions and rules are not obeyed. Some parents truly have a tight rein on their kids while other parents take the approach of “there is a time and place for everything.” There are times to let loose, climb trees, and so forth, and then there are times to sit still and quietly behave.
What Parents Want For Their Sons
Most parents of young boys largely will agree that they want their sons to grow into happy, strong young men. They don’t want their son to be bullied, but most also don’t want their son to be a bully either. It would be ideal if a child could be taught to listen and to behave but still have that carefree spirit that comes with being a child, too. Somewhere there is that fine line where a child is respectful and obedient yet still has the freedom to grow into a man.
Finding That Middle Ground
Many experts agree that boys do indeed need to be provided with a firm set of rules and guidelines, and that punishment needs doled out if those rules and guidelines are not followed. Many believe the best punishment is not one that humiliates or embarrasses a child, but rather that involves letting a child know that you as a parent as disappointed in the behavior. Oftentimes, revoking rewards and privileges is key, too. Keep in mind that punishment should be consistent, and it should be fully enforced. It is counter productive to dole out a punishment and then not follow through with enforcing it.
Here are a few other articles written by this author:
How Positive is Your Parenting?
Helping Your Kids Through Fights with Friends
Kids and Friend Drama: When to Step In