A pet can be an important part of a family, and often times children have a special relationship with their four-legged friend. A pet death can greatly affect a child. Children’s understanding of death varies throughout the years. Preschool-age children may have some comprehension, but their knowledge is generally limited. Dealing with the loss of an animal may be the first time a child has any experience with death; how they react and how parents should handle it may be a surprise. Here are tips for parents to help 3 to 5-year-olds deal with the passing of a beloved pet.
Allow Your Child to Grieve
Even at such a young age, a child will go through a grieving process. Grief does not usually come and go overnight, and a child may be emotional for a period of time. Kids can express grief very different than adults. They may throw tantrums, show defiance at school, or experience emotional mood swings. Sharing your own sadness over the loss of a pet will not hurt your child. In fact, sharing grief together can help both parents and their children heal. Children may also benefit by helping to prepare a funeral or ceremony for their lost friend.
When our elderly cat passed away, our children were very confused. For all of their lives, Purrcilla had been a part of our family. My preschool-age daughter was comforted by pictures of her kitty and kept the small toy mouse Purrcilla had enjoyed playing with. These small reminders helped her grieve for her friend. As a family, we also enjoyed sharing stories together about our loved cat.
Be Honest
Tell your child that the pet has died. Saying the pet “went away” can confuse children and they may feel they did something to cause the pet to leave. If an animal was euthanized, do not tell the child the pet was “put to sleep.” This can scare children and may cause sleeping issues. Telling your child that their furry family member has died and is not coming back can help them grasp the situation.
Preschool-age children may continue to ask questions long after the loss, and just repeating the truth will help reiterate that the death was not their fault and help a child accept their pet’s passing. Although our daughter does not fully understand death, she did eventually realize that Purrcilla would not be coming back home.
Encourage the Continuation of Regular Activities
Although it may not be immediate, help your child maintain their regular activities. Attending preschool, soccer practice, or riding their bike around the neighborhood can all help a child through the sadness experienced after the loss of a pet. Participating in normal activities will let a kid know that even though the death was extremely sad, life does continue on. It may take a while for a preschool-age child to return to wanting to engage in these activities, but encouragement from their parents will help begin the transition to a new normal.
Sources
Helping Your Child When the Family Pet Dies, Pet Loss, ASPCA We Are Their Voice
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., Jana Rubenstein M.Ed., LPC The Child’s Loss: Death, Grief, and Mourning Scholastic Teachers
More From This Contributor:
How do Deal with Children’s ‘End of the World’ Fears
You’ve Made a Bad Parenting Choice; Why You Should Apologize to Your Kids
Should You Discipline Other People’s Children?