Dear TaMara
My boyfriend has been asking to me have anal sex with him. I would like to try it but I am really nervous. I have never done it before so I would like to know the easiest way to try anal sex with the least amount of pain. Can you please help? Thanks! From Behind
Dear From Behind!
Anal sex can be very enjoyable for both men and women. The area surrounding the anus and the sphincter muscle is rich with nerve endings which help to increase sensitivity to stimulation. Anal sex is also known to cause an pleasurable orgasm which is due to the contracting of the anal sphincter muscles. In addition, because the anal cavity is usually much tighter than the vagina, the squeeze on the penis and/or sex toy is firmer which also helps to heighten orgasmic intensity. However, because the lining of the anus is so thin, it is more likely to tear during sex play which increases the risk for transmission of HIV & other sexually transmitted infections; it’s important to use caution when incorporating anal sex into your play.
First and foremost, when it comes to anal play, you must be totally at ease and relaxed. If for some reason you are not relaxed, the sphincter muscle inside the anus will contract making penetration uncomfortable and painful. To help ease any anxiety that you may be feeling, you should by stroking and rubbing around the opening of the anus using yours or your partners finger tips. Because the anus does not lubricate naturally, you will need to make sure that you are using plenty of lubricant during anal play; water-based or silicone-based lubricant is best option.
Once you’re comfortable with the feeling of something near the anal opening, next you may slowly begin to insert a finger in and out of the anus to gradually stretch the opening, increasing the number of fingers as desired. After you’ve become more relaxed with the finger(s), move forward with the insertion of the penis or sex toy. Slow gradually penetration is better. Your partner should not try to thrust the penis or sex toy inside as this has the potential to cause major damage. The receiver should gently guide penetration. This will allow you to have more control over the penetration as well as allow you to monitor your comfortable level.
With regards to the best positions, try starting with the “spooning” rear-entry position and gradually work your way into other positions. The “spooning” position is a great starter position that allows for total body contact with your mate and also it provides a level of intimacy which can be very relaxing. Additionally, you partner can stimulate your clitoris which will help to intensify your orgasm.
Finally, anal sex can be messy. If this is a concern, you can use an anal douche or insert a soapy finger into your anus shortly before having anal sex and this will help to minimize the mess.
Quick note: never go from anal sex to vaginal sex without using a new condom or without cleansing the penis or sex toy because the bacteria from the anus can be transferred to the vaginal resulting in possible infection.