Please permit me to offer a few suggestions that have helped me with those around me. It’s so simple yet profound, and it works within time on most anyone.
I started with my husband; genuinely listening to him. Second only to hear one’s name being spoken is for someone to actually listen to what they say as important. A close very endearing third, is quoting them later in conversation. I would start a conversation with, “I think you said it best, when you stated…..” Somewhere that caught on, and when my husband did that to me, I felt like one of the most important people in the world! I then started this on people I knew, on the job, on the phone, wherever I went. You would be amazed how fast someone listens to you when you mention their name right after you meet them, and then later give them credit for something they’ve said.
All of a sudden what you have to say becomes important, and you’ve opened a door to communication and negotiating. That’s why I become very silent when someone comes at me like a hatchet. It’s not because I’m clamming up with the attitude, “You aren’t getting in here!” But rather, sometimes it takes peaceful silence of at least one of us to make the other re-examine how they are coming off.
Experiment with what I’ve written on someone and let me know if it works for you too. Even if there are those times that it doesn’t, you will come away from the conversation all the richer.