Got Potty Mouth? Try These Alternative “Expletives” to Soothe the Sensitive Ear

Some people enjoy using words in the context of self-expression that, well, the general public might consider “profane.” I confess; as a creative listener, there is a particular word that I love to mimic verbally, as this particular word has such a variety of usage within the English language (with credit given to comedian/philosopher/humanitarian George Carlin, who used this particular word which rhymes with “duck” btw, in a seriously comedic stand-up act that taught us how one word could be used so interchangeably in the English language as noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and possibly even as conjunction, preposition and interjection).

We just won’t use it here.

Having alluded to that fact, let’s consider some alternative phrases you can use, when the urge to express yourself ala George Carlin-style, is tempered by the realization that you are in a public setting:

“I am soooo Fatwah’d…”

(Expressed in a situation where you realize that your fate has been sealed by judge and jury… i.e. your spouse… when you have slithered in at 3AM)


(This is especially effective when you are angry, aroused, and just happen to be Japanese).

“Cheese n’ Feist!”

(An alternative to “Fah-la-la!!”” This is particularly convenient when you are in the mood for crackers and alternative music by a Canadian pop star with a punk-rock past).

“Ohhhhh FFFFUDGE…..”

(Usually expressed by those who identify with Ralphie, because we all know what he REALLY said….)

“Ye illiterate Fook!!”

(Commonly uttered by stick-figures and Celts, but hey, stick-figures and Celts are people, too)!!


(You must qualify as an Intellectual to express this pseudo-profanity, while rolling eyes).


(Ummm, no… that would be a duck with dyslexia. But it does have a nice ring to it, and still sounds like “Insurance”).


(When you are seriously in the mood to alter the derriere of an Englishman, and brag that you can express a four-syllable word in one breath).


(When you really meant to say, “Eh”)

“This is FUBAR!”

(No explanation required).

And so, here are ten alternative “expletives” to use when the urge to be overly emotional strikes, while remaining in the oblivious good grace of proper company. RIP, George Carlin.

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