There are many forms of manipulation and they all have the ability to backfire in ways that can destroy a relationship permanently. In some cases, a manipulator even uses their own misfortune as a way to conjure up pity and help from someone, usually a spouse, friend or family member.
Are you the type that keeps throwing up some indiscretion, or wrong from the past in your partner, friend, or family members face? Well I hate to break it to you, but you suck. If you claimed to have forgiven them for whatever it is you are throwing in their face, then drop it. If you haven’t then you have no business being around them. It’s that simple. If you find the need to keep doing this, you are probably trying to manipulate some sort of outcome in your favor with this person. Guess what, it won’t work. What it will do is make that person resent the heck out of you.
Forgive and move on and bury your arsenal of guilt ridden manipulative weaponry. You have no right to use these things to get your way in any situation if you have forgiven them. If you haven’t forgiven them, consider leaving or therapy. Why? No one wants to pay for an error or mistake for the rest of their lives.
Another form of manipulation is by trying to out smart, out wit or trick someone without them knowing it or under the cloak of a hidden reason. Women do this a lot to men, and a man’s instincts usually tell them something is amiss but they simply aren’t wired to break down the complex motives within the female brain to know exactly what she is after.
That’s because men are programmed differently. Their nature is to solve problems not dissect the human psyche. It is really an unattractive habit to form and head games is one of the biggest pet peeves spouses list when it comes to their dissatisfaction and resentment of a partner. Be blunt and to the point if a man has to spend all his time figuring what your hidden point is, or agenda is, he’ll give up and just start not trusting you. He can’t help it, his instincts will flag it. In some cases this is done just for the fun of it, to toy with someone, or to get a pleasure out of feeling superior. What a turn off this is. It’s not cute, it’s not sexy, and it won’t yield any beneficial results.
Manipulating is playing dirty, using tactics for some sort of personal gain, is underhanded. If you find you must resort to this type of behavior in your relationships, chances are there is a reason within yourself that must be examined. It goes beyond needing to control people and situations, it goes to a problem with communicating honestly, and why you don’t feel you can. Many chronic manipulative personalities insist they are forced to be this way otherwise they will never get their way on anything. What they fail to realize is once it becomes apparent you are using manipulative tactics, people will be on guard and shut down your efforts for principles sake alone. You ultimately shoot yourself in the foot.
The resentment and disdain you will cause in others will last and have damning effects on what should be an open and honest relationship. What a manipulator should focus on instead of trying to trick people is to learn how to communicate effectively, honestly and openly. Many times its the way you ask for something that is offensive or negative that forms a barrier. Learning to speak and communicate in a more intelligent way without tripping the manipulation radar will get you a lot further.