I was listening and watching some music videos on youtube.com and couldn’t resist writing about this one written and performed by Roger Hodgson of Supertramp, ” Take the Long Way Home.” I remember one specific time on my way home from work in the evening. I worked as a waitress for a restaurant. I really enjoyed the work. I got to be around people and did very well. I have always loved being around people and helping them. I believe that that is one of my gifts. I really like helping people and making them feel special. Ironically I didn’t feel very special at that time in my life.
Many times I still don’t feel very special. I was still drinking at the time. I am coming upon 31 years of sobriety and sure understand why people drown themselves in drugs and alcohol. It is only by the grace of God that I am sober. I really haven’t put a lot of effort into it and am grateful every day of my life that I have been relieved of the obsession to drink.
This is a snapshot memory in my life. It is one that I will probably never forget. I just remember how much I did not want to go home. I stopped to get gas in my car and the last place that I wanted to go was home. “Take the Long Way Home” was blaring on my car radio. I remember the gut-wrenching loneliness that I felt. There was nothing but emptiness, loneliness and sadness there. Many of my co-workers would go out after work to drink. Some did not go home alone, and some didn’t go home at all. There was plenty of temptation to medicate my loneliness by taking a little side trip with more than one willing partner. I am glad to say that I didn’t do that. It wasn’t because I was not tempted.
I was still married to my ex-husband. My marriage was pretty much over and there was no way to fix it. We were both active alcoholics. I didn’t know it at the time. I only saw alcohol as an escape from the misery of my life. My ex told me that I couldn’t possibly love him if I felt the negative feelings that I was feeling toward him. I learned that the only way that I could deal with the feelings that I had was to drink them away. I was afraid that he was right that I must not love him if I felt the way I did. That was the only way that I knew how to deal with the feelings that I had was to drink.
I would come home to emptiness. My husband and kids would already be in bed sleeping. I would sit up and drink until I was able to go to sleep. Drinking was my best friend. I am glad that today I don’t feel that way anymore. It took a long time to get to the place where I wanted to go home. I did find a home in AA and in the church that I still go to today. My life is a thousand times better today. I still have problems, but today I don’t have to drink or use drugs to face them. I have a support system, God and a loving husband, family and friends. Today my home is a haven of love, comfort and safety.
I have to confess I still love the oldies, Supertramp, Queen, Styx, the Beatles and many other artists. I also love Christian music, contemporary and the good old-fashioned hymns. I balance my love of music out with a mixture of all different genres that I love. Supertramp is still an old-timed favorite of mine.
I would love to hear some of your memories, good and bad and what music you associate those memories with.