Staying Strong as We Start Another Year of School

Well, today was the big day! My son started 1st grade and I started the rest of my life with kids being in school all day. What a wonderful experience for both of us and at the same time, such a terrible feeling has crept over me. He will be in school all day long this year! This is no different than day care really as he spends even longer there. But at day care, they get to play. In school you have to sit and pay attention. The thoughts keep coming: Will he sit long enough in his seat? Will he be able to pick the food out for lunch? Will he be able to open his milk? Will he ask for help? Will he be a good boy all day long and listen to the teacher for that long day?
This year the first day was a little better than last year. He let me leave. He didn’t want to hang up his backpack but I walked with him and he did just fine. He opened his school box and started working on his paper. I didn’t cry as I left the room. My heart inside was dying but I stayed strong for both of us. He is very nervous I know. I am glad he is sitting by some of his friends from last year. I just hope he has the strength to be able to interact with classmates. This is hard for him to do and took a lot of time last year to work up enough courage to be able to participate in class.
Right now, I think of the time. Last year at this time, I would be preparing to go pick him up from Kindergarten. Now, he is preparing to eat lunch at school. I constantly have his schedule running through my head. I want to go to the playground at recess and see how he is doing. But I know I shouldn’t do that. After they get done eating and playing, they will have more school time. Two hours have already passed, I wonder what he is working on now. Is he behaving? I hope so. I hope he is really enjoying the activities they are doing in class. Maybe he will be very interested in class and not want to get up and disrupt.
Soon enough, soon enough I tell myself, it will be time to go to the school to pick him up. I will get to see how well he did on his first day. He might not tell me everything but I want to know. I will be able to tell by his reactions and interactions with me if he had a good day or not. All these years I kept thinking, I can’t wait until he is in school so that my whole day is free from both kids so I can get my work done and concentrate on my work. Now, I can’t concentrate. The only thing I am getting done is watching the clock and waiting for 3:30.
This is a big experience for both of us. We are both waiting for the end of the day to see each other again. Well, at least I hope he can’t wait to see me again! I will give it time, just like he needs time to get adjusted. When I know he is safe and doing well in school, I will relax. Then, I will be sitting here each day working hard and thinking, wow I wish school was longer. There aren’t enough hours in the day to get all this work done while they are away! Until that day comes, which may be a week or a month from now, I will sit here today and watch the clock wondering what he is doing each passing moment until the time comes to go pick him up.

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