Unicorns and Armour

I’ve searched for the unicorn,
Only to find the ones on my wall;
Staring back at me with intelligent and mournful eyes.

I’ve waited for the Wolf Spirit to visit me in dreams of tomorrow,
Only to wake up and find the wolves on my wall;
Forever trapped in frames and on paper but always free in the wild.

I’ve waited for my Prince Charming to come and save me,
Only to be taken in by men that want me only for my body,
And not my mind, my heart, or my soul.

I’ve searched for this thing called love,
Only to find pity and false friendships.

Am I too old fashioned for him?
Should I stop looking for someone to love me for who I am?
Should I look for more practical things?
Such as a man that wants me for the moment, but not forever?

Look at me.
I am doubting myself because of you.
Look at what you have done.

Am I not beautiful anymore?
You once said I was.
Do you not love me anymore?
You once said you do.
Once you struck me.
Though it may not have been very hard, or anywhere visible.
You bruised me. Not on my person, but on my heart.
I loved you and still do, but I am afraid.
I am afraid because I was struck.

I am afraid because no man since my father or my step-father has dared raise a hand to me.
I am afraid because I do not want to end up like the rest of the women in my family.
Abused in some way or another;
Whether it was physical, emotional, or verbal it was all abuse.

I am afraid because I fear that you do not love me anymore.
You have been so angry the past few weeks. Indeed, even all of last month.
I am afraid because I fear it was me that made you angry.

Did I do something to displease you?
Have you found someone else more to your liking?
Or are you just an angry person in general?

Though that doesn’t make much sense now does it?
You, with the cheerful and hyper personality.
Unless of course, you are like me, and only pretending.
But I’ll never know, will I? Because you don’t trust me.

Look at me.
Look at what you have done to me.
Because of you, I am doubting myself.
I am doubting my own personality, what I value in life, and what makes me who I am.
But you don’t understand, do you?
All you know, is that I am some clingy, eccentric, and somewhat possessive girl that is always telling you she loves you.
To you, I am probably annoying.
To you, I am just some girl, obsessed with love.

I once believed in unicorns, and searched for them behind my house,
But now I see the ones on my wall and think I am lucky to have even them.
Even if they are just pictures.

I once wished that the Wolf Spirit would visit me in my dreams of tomorrow.
But now I look at all my pictures of wolves and find comfort in their gentle, understanding eyes.
Knowing that I will always have my dreams, even if they are just dreams.

I once waited for Prince Charming to save me from today.
And I found a man that appeared to be him, though his armor was a little tarnished and he had no white horse.
Now I will ask him again, do you really love me?

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