What are the best Dennis Miller quotes and jokes? Dennis Miller remains one of the funniest people alive and his jokes and funny quotes never fail to make me laugh. Here are, in my opinion, the best Dennis Miller quotes and jokes.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER ONE
A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER TWO
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis’ nightstand.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER THREE
It’s ironic that in our culture everyone’s biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FOUR
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FIVE
Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God’s way of letting you know that you’re having too good a time.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SIX
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SEVEN
The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER EIGHT
There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER NINE
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER TEN
You’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
BEST DENNIS MILLER QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER ELEVEN
After seven years of marriage, I’m sure of two things — first, never wallpaper together, and second, you’ll need two bathrooms.. both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
SOURCES
www.brainyquote.com
www.thinkexist.com