“Dancing with the Stars” Fall 2011 came to a dramatic close November 22 with the crowning of the season 13 champion. But before “DWTS” co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke-Charvet revealed the identity of the winner, viewers were treated to (or tortured by, depending on your perspective) two hours of performances by finalists Ricki Lake, Rob Kardashian and J.R. Martinez and the previously eliminated members of the cast. Here’s a full recap.
After a cornball (but admitedly touching in that ‘Olympic Games retrospective’ sort of way) introductory segment narrated by Tom, the “DWTS” 2011 finale began in earnest with a bumpin’, grindin’, shimmy-shakin’ performance by a herd of pro hoofers. Midway through, the eliminated contestants emerged on the arms of their respective pros, the guys in black and the girls in gold. And then finally, the three final couples emerged with their respective partners: Rob with Cheryl Burke, Ricki with Derek Hough, and J.R. with Karina Smirnoff.
Then a pre-taped segment featuring the November 22 performances as viewed by the finalists aired. It was a necessary thing, in the context of the entire season, but it was also a yawner if you already watched the show. So moving on….
Special guests Lady Antebellum took to the stage with “Dancing Away with My Heart”. Woohoo! Lady A! I hope they weren’t lip synching because they sounded so, so good! Pro dancers Kym Johnson, Dmitry Chaplin, Peta Murgatroyd and Val Chmerkovskiy provided moving visual accompaniment. (Meaning they moved around a lot. But of course it was moving in the other way, too. Though the flagrant open-shirtedness of Dmitry made me laugh. That boy does love an opportunity to show off his bod.)
And then, the actual competition resumed as the finalists took turns performing their favorite dances of the season. Ricki and Derek briefly considered the Quickstep, the Rumba and the Tango before finally settling on their awesome “Psycho” inspired Tango. Given that I love Hitchcock films and I loved this dance the first time around, of course I loved it again. Duh. Len Goodman called it “one of the most memorable dances” of any “DWTS” season. Bruno Tonioli called it “a grand cinematic extravaganza” and “unforgettable”. Carrie Ann Inaba called her “a fighter who never gives up” and dubbed the dance “beyond perfection”.
In a change-up from the norm, we learned that the fave dance scores wouldn’t be revealed til all three couples had danced. Uh, okay. But anyway.
Up next were Rob and Cheryl with their favorite dance. They considered their “Addams Family” tango, but Rob pushed for the Tango that he’d dedicated to his father early in the season. During rehearsals, Rob declared that he “is the finals”, the “final winner” of “DWTS” season 13. Go go Gadget humility! Not. But eh, confidence is okay. It was cute and they had good chemistry, but Rob just isn’t my favorite of the bunch. I think Carrie Ann in particular has fluffed his scores a bit in the past. Just sayin’. Aw, but hey, sis Kim K came out of hiding to lend her support. Bruno praised him for getting his “mojo” and noted that his little slip even looked charming. Carrie Ann appreciated the “elegance and refinement” of the performance. Len didn’t care at all about the little slip. Nope. In fact, the cranky old Brit loved his footwork, musicality and confidence.
Last up with their favorite dance were J.R. and Karina. I admit that my stomach turned when I saw that they were wearing their Jive slash Lindy Hop costumes. After all, they were nailed by Len for not doing a proper Jive. Brave, balls to the wall move, but so, so risky on finals night! During rehearsals, they worked hard to remove the elements of the dance that Len didn’t like, and vowed to do “nothing but Jive”. Well, that’s better. I hope I’m wrong, but it looked like J.R. floundered a bit at the beginning of the routine. But once he got into it, baby, he was rollin’. Carrie Ann noted that he “had a little bit of a rough time in there” but called him “such a catalyst of joy”. Len praised the band, singers and Harold Wheeler before praising his “sparkling personality”. Bruno said “what you did was energetic, fast paced, fun fun fun and I loved it”.
J.R. and Karina joined the other two couples and Brooke upstairs to hear the final scores. The judges ranked them, and in a non-unanimous decision, third place went to Rob and Cheryl, second to J.R. and Karina, and first to Ricki and Derek. Ricki earned 30 points, J.R. 28, and Rob 26. The updated leaderboard found Ricki on top with 84, Rob in second with 83, and J.R. in third with 82. Tight! And then a funny segment featuring the judges making odd comments on camera aired. It was sorta funny watching Len smack Carrie Ann with a paddle (not like that) and Len telling Tom to “get out of my shot”. Bruno looked particularly disturbed to see himself admiring his own hotness. Ha ha. (Kinda had to be there, sorry.)
And then… dum da dum! Time to eliminate another couple. Tom and Brooke addressed all three pairs and that frustratingly tense music played. And then, boom, Ricki Lake was deemed the third place finisher. I called that. She’s been awesome, but just didn’t have the fan base. You go girl! Go Ricki! Go Ricki! Derek called his partner “an absolute winner” and Ricki reciprocated the affection. And then they went out with an impressive spin.
And then… there were two.
Following a break, the broadcast again went cheeseball as the two final couples descended the ballroom staircase and Tom talked about their accomplishments and attributes. Then the judges offered up their thoughts on the two. Bruno called J.R. a “figher” and Carrie Ann praised both his hip action and hold. Carrie Ann called Rob “what this competition is all about” and Bruno praised his improvement over the course of the season.
Brooke joined the couples in the skybox and revealed that they’d be dancing their Instant Samba to Ricky Martin’s “Shake Your Bon Bon”. Then J.R. and Rob randomly drew their dance-order — respectively, first and second.
And than bam, yet another pre-taped segment that gave an overview of the entire “Dancing with the Stars” season that included clips from the first four weeks of the season. And then: The parade of eliminees began as Metta World Peace again teamed up with Peta Murgatroyd and Elisabetta Canalis hit the floor with Val Chmerkovskiy.
As the two remaining finalists practiced their Instant Sambas, the parade of eliminated hopefuls continued with reality star Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas (and some other random dude). Kristin must weigh nothing at all because Mark tossed her around like a ragdoll. Chynna Phillips, who was eliminated following a disastrous week 4 “Mission Impossible” Tango with Tony Dovolani, returned next with a re-do of that fateful routine. Oh, this is so awesome! Go Chynna! And it was so good! Had the Earth spun in a different direction that night, she could well have been dancing for the Mirrorball tonight.
“DWTS” season 13’s funniest character, Carson Kressley, followed with a routine set to “Vogue”. Naturally, he put it together and Anna Trebunskaya, being the good natured gal she is, went along with it. Love them! (But before that, Brooke harrassed J.R. and Karina. I’m ignoring it because it annoys me when she does that.)
Carson’s routine was hilarious. He was carted on stage by men, and then got to dance with Val Chmerkvoskiy. And Anna, of course. The judges looked amused by the spectacle. With that out of the way, The Story of the Season continued with weeks 4, 5 and 6. And then bam, another performance, this one by HLN’s Nancy Grace and that bit of Irish deliciousness that is Tristan MacManus.
Following a break, Brooke bothered Rob and Cheryl while they tried to practice. Mmkay. Fortunately, it was short-lived and more dismissed contestants danced. Up first was activist Chaz Bono with Lacey Schwimmer (sporting partially pink hair; I’d call it pink-tipped but way more than her tips were pinked out) and her dad Buddy. Afterward, Tom called the couple over and pointed out that Chaz had been in the studio every week rooting on his “Dancing with the Stars” castmates. Aw.
Up next, actor/producer David Arquette returned with partner Kym Johnson and the “DWTS” Troupe to perform a revamped version of their “Grease” Quickstep. Woo! Fun stuff.
And then because this show moves with impressive speed, I blinked and Lady Antebellum was back with their second performance of the night. This time, the group sang their super hit and near-universally recognized “Need You Now”. They were accompanied by the troupe members.
And then… a review of the last three weeks of the season, and a performance by soccer star Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. As they took their bows, it was finally, finally, finally time for J.R. and Rob to go head-to-head for the trophy. It’s about time!
Up first with their Instant Samba were J.R. and Karina. Mmm-mmm, good idea to put those Samba rolls on display again! He does ‘em like nobody else this season. Rob and Cheryl followed with their segment, wearing some seriously neon colors. So who shook their bon bons better? Gosh if I know.
Len praised both of them for making the finals and managing to pull off a Samba, and then rose to his feet to give them a standing ovation. Bruno addressed J.R. first for the way he’s able to bring on “full-out party time” and have “people eat it from your hands”. To Rob, he praised him for learning “how to use your bon bon” and told him “you’re in orbit”. Carrie Ann called it “so much fun” and dubbed both of them winners for going after the trophy.
For their final dance, J.R. and Karina earned a perfect 30, bringing their finale total to 112. Rob and Cheryl also earned 30 points, giving them a total of 113. Well duh, as if either of them were going to get less than a 30.
After a torturously long break, the big moment finally arrived and the winners of “Dancing with the Stars” 2011’s Fall season were crowned. Following the requisite dramatic music, the honor went to J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff. Karina immediately leapt into her partner’s arms. He thanked “everybody who voted for us” for believing in them. Then he turned to Karina and called her “amazing” and said he was proud to help her win her first Mirrorball. Cheryl called Rob her winner, and vowed that the two would be “friends for life”.
Confetti flew as J.R. and Karina hoisted the Mirrorball into the air, and moments later, the rest of the cast rushed the couple and lifted *them* into the air as well.
Ready for more “Dancing with the Stars”? You’re in luck! The next season –“DWTS” season 14– premieres March 19, 2012 with a brand new cast of celebrity wanna-be dancers. Will your favorite star be in the mix? Start the speculating, folks. And tune in next Spring for more action. Or you can just check in with me. Because after all, you know I’ll be watching.