The “Dancing with the Stars” 2011 week one results show aired September 20 on ABC, following on the heels of Monday night’s much-anticipated premiere. The evening’s action featured performances by Harry Connick Jr. and LMFAO, a look at the newest members of the DWTS troupe, and of course, the elimination of the first celeb of the hit reality show’s 13th season: Metta World Peace. (Or if that confuses you, Ron Artest.) Here’s a look at how it played out.
Following a Lacey Schwimmer-choreographed opening routine that featured the “DWTS” pros and troupe members shaking their thangs spicy-style, co-hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke-Charvet ripped off the band-aid for three couples –talk show host Ricki Lake and Derek Hough, Italian import Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy, and Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke– by revealing the first batch of week one results. While Ricki and Derek and Elisabetta and Val were proclaimed safe to dance again (and man alive, did Georgie’s ex ever looked stunned by the good news), Rob and Cheryl found themselves under the ugly glare of the red lights. Well that’s surprising. I was sure Elisabetta was toast. Or whatever the Italian version of toast is. Anyway, the takeaway is that she’s sticking around.
Up next, a segment aired that featured the contestants’ opinions and thoughts of one another. Since it’s almost impossible to keep up with every single detail of such nonsense, I’ll give a few highlights. Ron slash Metta had a weird fixation of Nancy Grace. Carson Kressley noted that Elisabetta Canalis sounds like a “delicious Italian confection.” Rob wanted to have his “A-game on” the first time he met older woman Chynna Phillips. Carson declared that he was kind of “falling in love” with Kristin Cavallari. Uh, yeah. Okay.
With that out of the way, the evening’s first guest star, actor and singer Harry Connick Jr., took to the stage with “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever.” I can dig a guy in a suit and he was lookin’ good, save some slightly messy tressies. While Connick crooned, “Dancing with the Stars” pros Cheryl Burke and Tony Dovolani channeled romance with an elegant spin of their own. Post-performance he chatted with Tom and revealed his own personal pick for Mirrorball glory: War veteran turned soap star JR Martinez. He also admiited to “feeling the Chaz vibe”. Eclectic picks.
Since the natives were restless and wanting more results, the elimination continued with three more couples: Soccer star Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, reality starlet Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas, and NBA star Metta World Peace (otherwise known as the basketballer formerly known as Ron Artest) and Peta Murgatroyd. The first of the three pairs declared safe was Hope and Maks (guaranteeing more Chmerkovskiy versus Chmerkovskiy action). Then Metta and Peta were relegated to the Danger Zone, while Kristin and Mark found themselves safe. No big surprises there.
Then we got a peek at the all-new “Dancing with the Stars” troupe. The group of three returning dancers and three noobs seem to like each other a lot. And they all think they’re all really good. And they probably are. But we shall see, grasshoppers. And we saw their stuff quickly, as they hit the ballroom for their first solo outing of season 13. What to call it, what to call it. Confident. That’s it. Confident.
Then it was time for more live entertainment *cough* filler, so LMFAO performed “Party Rock Anthem”. I’d never heard of LMFAO before. And I wasn’t missing much. I’m intrigued –still now, minutes later– with the dude wearing the big box on his head, but otherwise, they struck me as being this bizarre carbon copy of the Black Eyed Peas. Oh, and some “DWTS” pros joined in too, including Lacey, Cheryl, Peta, Maks, Mark and I think Tristan. And oddly enough Bruno Tonioli got in on the action too. From the top of the judges’ table. Poor Lenny.
Anyway, the silliness ended and more results were the order of the moment. JR Martinez and Karina Smirnoff, Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani and Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer herded to the stage for the big news. Chynna and Tony earned the stamp of approval, as did JR and Karina. And after a moment of teasing, Chaz and Lacey were also proclaimed safe to hoof again. Then there was a big sappy group hug. Aw.
And then –egads, the shock of it!– more results action followed as the final three pairs, including Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya, Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus and David Arquette and Kym Johnson, lined up to try to dodge the elimination bullet. David and Kym and Carson and Anna were proclaimed safe, but Nancy and Tristan found themselves members of the danger club.
With just a few minutes remaining, it was Big Reveal time. Rob and Cheryl were declared safe to dance again, leaving just two couples to face the final music. While Ron slash Metta and Peta and Nancy and Tristan took their places on the walkway for final judgment, Len Goodman reflected that it’s always sad to lose a contestant one week into the competition. Yeah, okay. After the requisite dramatic music designed to torture the couples still standing, Metta World Peace was eliminated from “Dancing with the Stars” 2011. Metta asked the audience to give Peta a round of applause, calling her and the whole experience “awesome”.
Well, that’s not what I’d expected. But that’s the nature of “Dancing with the Stars”; what you expect isn’t always what you get. Ron slash Metta definitely had issues and wasn’t the strongest dancer in the bunch. So what’s on tap for week 2? Watch the next episode of “DWTS” 2011 next Monday at 8 PM on ABC. Or you can just check in with me. You know I’ll be watching.