Am I In Heaven or Hell?
I can hardly see for the snow pelting against my car windows. I have about twenty-five miles to my apartment and all I’m thinking of right now is getting home and snuggling between the warm covers. The roads passage is getting narrower by the moments and it’s getting harder for me to stay in the road. It’s a snaky, dark, and full of dead-man-curves road. I need my head examined for accepting Jeff’s invitation for an intimate dinner tonight. He begged me not to leave, but stubborn me, I felt I had to get back to my own place so I could get ready for work tomorrow. Jeff’s been putting pressure on me about making a commitment to him and I’m doing everything possible not to encourage him. I’m not sure I want to commit to him at this time. We have a lot of differences, and I believe, after the acceptance of his ring, our differences will only magnify. I’m not ready to commit to a firm relationship right now, I have a lot of goals I want to achieve in my life.
I still have a year of college and I’m not ready to think about marriage. I have to think about my life and where I want it to lead me. I’m a true professional, and at this time, I want to discover and find myself before getting intertwined with someone. Jeff wants children soon after marriage, he’s satisfied with a normal, slow paced life, with a wife content to stay home and raise their children.
I have plans for a magnificent profession in law, to have my own prestige law office, and at this time, having children is not in my future plans. The feelings I have for Jeff is someone to go to eat with, to communicate and socialize with as a friend, and right now, there’s no love in the plan. Yes, he’s a fine man, but I’m not looking for a commitment and won’t be for several years.
A deer strolls across the road in front of me, it can hardly make it through the snow…this is the first time I’ve ever seen a deer out in this deep of snow. It’s as though it’s looking at me with wondering eyes, and saying, “What are you doing here in this winter’s storm?”
On coming lights blind me as I pass a vehicle going east bound. I feel my car slipping…sliding, it’s as though I bump, thump, and flip over. I must’ve passed out because I don’t remember a thing until I wake up in total darkness…in terrible pain. It’s as though I’m blind because I cannot see a thing. I don’t realize the snow has covered my vehicle and I’m buried alive. No-one knows I’m here and sometimes Jeff doesn’t call me for several days.
There’s not a thing I can do until it gets light…I have no light and it’s bitter cold in the vehicle. Asking myself, “Why can I not move my legs and arms? Am I frozen stiff? I may not be found for weeks.” I want to look at my face but the darkness prohibits it…thinking, “I’ve got to reach the keys and turn on the ignition…need heat…warm heat…I’m freezing to death right here in this car…what am I going to do… freeze to death before anyone ever sees my car? I’ll only be a skeleton when they finally see my car.”
“I’m sore and hurt so bad…the pain is excruciating! What day is it anyway? Is it day or night,” I mutter to myself? I remember what I was told years ago, “Never go anywhere without letting someone know where you are.” I feel disgusted as I realized I didn’t tell a soul… a lesson to be learned in a tragic way.
I must be close to death as I struggle to open my eyes, I feel nothing…it feels like ice has formed in my eyes they won’t shut…no pain…no feelings. It’s pitch dark, I try to remember but everything is foggy, all I want to do is go back to sleep. Death would be better than this. My mind is shutting down…who am I…am I dreaming?”
I don’t know how many days I’ve been in this dark cave, if someone doesn’t find me soon, it’ll be too late because a slow death has a grip on me. Grasping me in a death hold and covering my casket with dirt. Death’s laughing and poking fun at me in wild, loud, eerie voices…they continue and shadowy arms are waving me toward a tomb…it’s glittering in brilliant blue, gold, green, halo’s and then darkens to a pitch black…death’s…voices…scream….A line of vultures welcomes me to come…come…end my journey to Heaven or Hell?
No strength, no energy,…what will it be Heaven or Hell?